


With Every Move I Die

by Cheyalinn_of_Tafth



Category: Academia (Anthropomorphic), Buhay Kolehiyo, SSU, Sexy Sexy Universities
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sappy Soft Bois, Slow Burn, Soulmate AU, angsty mabeda, implied neosalle and their fcking domestic someone give them a room, same skin AU, someone save them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-02-22 01:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13156038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheyalinn_of_Tafth/pseuds/Cheyalinn_of_Tafth
Summary: Benjo thinks he doesn't deserve any of this. Don thinks he's not enough for him.or me contributing an angsty mabeda soulmate au





	1. Radio (Welcome to My Funeral)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Essi_Magwayen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Essi_Magwayen/gifts), [Mod A](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Mod+A), [Gwyndolyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwyndolyn/gifts).



> Edit: This fic is widely based by a Kesha song entitled "Dancing With Tears in My Eyes."
> 
> love lots,  
> cheyaa

“During the early 19th century industrial revolution, machine tools were developed in…” Don sighed and placed the book down. He stared at the empty space made by the newly unoccupied side of his bookshelf. There was one thing left in place of the books and the Gundam figures, a set of keys.

From where he was sitting on the bed, Don tried to take his eyes off Benjo’s key duplicates. Benjo left hours ago. He made an impression to Don that it was permanent, this time.

They sure had some fights which led to almost separations. Not an ‘almost’ anymore. Don took a deep breath and faced the opposite direction. What made it sure this time?

Right. They did not fight. Benjo just vanished on him. That would never make sense to Don, sure, just like how most of his lessons on Differential Calculus never did.

Don continued to read his material.

One minute passed.

Two minutes.

Three.

Nothing tingles his skin. Not anymore. Not after Benjo left.

* * *

 

“Benj, did you just use that much soap? On one piece of clothing?”

Benjo shrugs, still scrubbing at his boxers, hard.

“This is so wasteful. I told you, mix water with the soap. Please,” Don scratched his forehead.

Benj sighed, pouted, but continued to scrub away after a few seconds. Don wanted to smack his head on a wall.

 

Ha, petty.

* * *

 

“You need to sleep,” Benjo demanded as he grabbed the book away from Don’s nose.

“No. I still have to finish reading ten chapters.”

“Just 30 mins,” Benjo bargained as Don tries to snatch the book from him.

Don sighed and tried to grab it back, but Benjo was still too fast and he is too tired to move too much. “Please, Benj.”

“No. Sleep.”

“Or what?”

Benjo whipped out a lighter from who-knows-where, “Or I will burn your book.”

Don snapped, “TANGINA MO, HINDI KA NA NAKAKATUWA.”

 

Very petty.

* * *

 

“Mas cute naman si Salle,” Don murmured.

“Ha?” Benj's face contorted. “Mas cute si Hello Kitty, at ako.”

Don laughed, “Weh?”

“Oo nga.”

“Hindi naman, e.”

Benj started to walk away. Don yelled, “Joke lang, Benj. Balik ka na, dali. We need to go home soon. Please?”

Benj continued to walk the opposite way.

* * *

 

“Busy ka ba?”

“I have four tests and a quiz, so I think obvious naman that it’s a yes.”

“...Okay.”

* * *

 

“Love mo ba talaga ako?” Benjo whispered.

Don, furiously blushing, kissed Benjo on the cheek. “How does that say?”

Benjo shook his head, “I don’t know, Don… I just don’t feel anything’s possible.”

“Please, Benj, I lik--”

“I’m sorry, Don.”

* * *

 

“Ha? Bakit hindi mo sabihin?” Salle said as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

Don rolled his eyes, “Parang hindi mo ‘to naging problema kay Neo at all, diba?”

“At least, Mappy, nasabi ko. Nasabi niya rin kasi nasabi ko, nasabi ko rin dahil sa kanya. Kaya payo ko from one friend to another, sabihin mo na. Waiting would make it more difficult to everyone else, but I can’t force you.”

“I know you can’t. I’m just too incompetent.”

“That’s not true. Ask Neo. Ask everyone.”

“I’m not sure I’m the one he needs.”

Salle tried to stifle his laugh, “You sound like the Salle of months ago, Mappy.”

* * *

 

Don finally was able to close his book as the surge of memories died down. He stared up the ceiling, wondering what could Benjo be doing at this hour of the night.

A light bruise grazed Don's cheek. Don knew what is happening.

Most likely, nakikipagsapakan.

The thought went through Don's spine, making him shiver. He shot up, sitting straight for once. He scratched his cheek as he dials a few numbers, “Asia, this is Don.”

“Yes, I know. Say everything in 10 seconds or I'm going back to sleep. I need my beauty rest, and the snail eye mask I put on isn't seeping in yet.”

“Okay. IthinkBenjoandIbrokeitalloffIdunnowhyhejustleftsonowI'moverthinkingthathemaybeintrouble.”

"Are you sure you guys are soulmates?"

Don sighed, "No, but I think we are."

"You're not sure. Okay. Is there anything through the bond?"

"I got a light bruise. Tingles on my cheek. Then nothing."

Asia was silent for a few seconds, and then, “Shit, where are you?”

“Our--my place.”

“I am texting one of my drivers now. He'll fetch you, then we'll meet, okay?”

Asia hang up and five minutes later, Don's ass is inside one of Asia's cars with the driver smiling warmly at him. “Hello, sir. Miss Asia would meet you in Sherwood, Taft.”

“Sherwood?”

“She says it would be safer, and that you guys would have friends nearby.”

“Safer?”

“Mr. Mapua, the lady says you will be drinking with her.”

Nothing was said after that. Don thinks his predicament is quite funny. Fetched by a friend to drink because he's overthinking and most possibly heartbroken. Also, with his friends on the way and ready to help him nurse his apparent relationship pains. This is the least thing he could ever hoped that could possibly happen to him. Sure, Neo and Salle have done a lot of these. There are times Phil, Mia or Tomas express their woes to him, too, but it was never him.

Until now.

* * *

 

There was a time Benjo did too. He was dead ass drunk. The bar was loud and full. Shaking bodies and liplocking on the dancefloor. At that time, Don wanted that too, with the man in front of him. Benjo tried alcohol poisoning, Don believed, for reasons unknown and for the reasons Don may not even care about. He only cared for the man drinking.

Minutes later, Benjo started to hum to the music. It was a ballad, and people started to awkwardly do sexy dances to it. Don downed his own shot.

“How long would you keep your bottoms up in the air?” Don asked, aiming for that lame joke to which Benjo grinned.

“Well, beloved, until you ask me—or force me—to pull it down.”

Don laughed to that. They shared a toast. Don mouthed, “I love you” to which Benjo laughed and said, “Whaaaat? Stop making weird mouth movements. Let's just drink!”

That night ended up with Benjo smashing some empty bottles on the floor, two bruises, and Don frustratingly dragging his ass home.

 


	2. Cold (Inside Out)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beda... walks away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello yall happy new year!! pls enjoyyyy
> 
> chapter playlist  
> \- Inside Out, The Chainsmokers  
> \- Happier, Ed Sheeran  
> \- Distance, Christina Perri

Benjo shifted his stance in front of the big glass windows. He should not be doing this. Letty and Don are hanging out in a cafe, textbooks open and coffee mugs steaming hot. It looks perfect, and Benjo really should not be doing this.

He could almost taste the bitterness of the coffee from Don giving him tongue burns the past thirty minutes, and maybe from something else too.

They started to speak as they sat across each other. Don was mostly the one who speaks, with Letty  nodding eagerly. Too eager.

Don stopped talking, and Letty gave out her reply. Don was nodding to it too, but Benjo could see he multitasks listening and using a triangle to draw lines on his notebook, how he was usually found whenever Benjo goes home.

Don looked up to the last bit of Letty's talking. He suddenly leaned closer to her. Don nodded as if someone proposed to him. Maybe someone actually did, Benjo thought. They were roommates for a while, sure, but it did not mean they were a couple living in with each other.

They never even kissed  _ like  _ that.

Letty grinned, said something, and pretends to wipe a tear. Don was blushing. Benjo focused on their lips in order to somehow lip read their conversation.

I am happy, Letty said.

Me too, Don replied.

Does he know?

No, not yet.

But still... Letty trailed off. He needs to know.

Don nodded. I love (you? Benjo was thoroughly confused because people should move their lips differently, as if to pout, when saying the word 'you' but Don did something as if putting his mouth in a straight, fine line).

Letty grinned once more, looking brighter than Benjo ever saw her. Maybe they got together. Maybe that is for the best, after all.

Benjo felt like someone punched a hole in his middle, as if he became a five centavo coin, or a black hole, or a donut the people inside the cafe loved to bite into.

He had nothing else to do but to walk away.

 

* * *

 

About a week ago, he came to the conclusion that he and Don are in fact, soulmates. Knowing someone is would be easy, what marred one's skin will show up in their soulmate's skin, like a duplicate. If one should get a heart-shaped tattoo on their collarbone, the same tattoo will appear in their soulmate's collarbone. So, it was just default that when Benjo garner bruises and other marks, his poor soulmate will have to endure carrying some bruises here and some cuts there.

It was when Benjo went back to their shared apartment with a cigarette burn mark on his right pointer. Don was already using one of his Hello Kitty band-aid on the same spot. He had asked Don about it as he was having a difficulty using a T-square. The long haired bespectacled boy just shrugged and did not even look at the smaller man.

Later that night while Don takes a nap, Benjo slowly tried to take off the band-aid. He was right. It was a duplicate of what he has on his finger. Don shot up straight, frowning at Benjo.

“What, Benj, pati ba naman band-aid ko?”

Benjo cracked a smile, “Akin kaya 'yan, I'm just taking it back?”

“Tch,” was all Don could manage. “I still have two minutes of sleep, so please. I got you new ones, it's in the cabinet.”

Don tried to stick it back, and when he was satisfied, he closed his eyes once again. Benjo sighed deeply in that moment. It must have hurt Don. He must have hurt Don, his soulmate.

It was not right at all.

 

* * *

 

There has been a saying floating about the topic of soulmates that the farther you are from your soulmate, the weaker the pain will they experience when their soulmate gets hurt. They say if your soulmate is pretty far away in proximity, if they get hurt, the pain shared would be just at least fifty percent or even lesser. 

Benjo is desperate enough to take a chance on that. That must be the reason why he is packing all of his things in a duffel bag – because all he owns could literally fit one or two bags. He wanted to have more, much more, maybe even another human being who shares this space with him, but Benjo knew that would be close to impossible.

He neatly folded all of Don's shirts he had been using all this time. All the things he borrowed from him like his battered first aid kit, slippers, and some medicine, he placed it back to where it was. He even bought Don new ones to replace what he had consumed during his stay. He also hoped he could do that with Don's time and energy. Time spent with Don was all borrowed anyway, and he had been paying it, and will be paying for it everyday if need be.

 

* * *

 

Almost a month back, Benjo and Don was on that sofa they loved lounging on. Benjo was tinkering with a Rubik's Cube, and Don was holding a book on his left hand, and squeezing a stress ball with his right.

“Don?”

“Hmm?”

“How many parts a circle could have?”

Silence.

“Don?”

A sigh, “I don't know, five?”

“Which are?”

“Diameter, that would be how long one point in a circle should take making a line until it could reach the point directly in its opposition. Half that, you get the radius. Then there's the arc, the tangent, and the chord.”

“That's so cool, Don.”

Silence.

“Is that what you need in your exams tomorrow?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

“Sorry, Don.”

“Hmm.”

Stupid, stupid Benjo. He could not even know what Don needed from him at times like this. When he tries to help him review, he messes up. 

There was this time he thought to give Don a nice warm cup of coffee. He put salt in instead of sugar. Don coughed until tears welled up in his eyes. Then, he wanted to make dinner for Don so he could study in peace but instead clogged the kitchen sink. Once he also applied too much floor wax Don slipped. They both agonized the butt pain for hours.

He is stupid. He could not even catch up to Don. He is forever a few miles short from him, his soulmate. He is truly an idiot who does not even deserve to be sharing the same space with Don.

 

* * *

 

Soulmates? Yes, Benjo could say yes to that. They are soulmates, but he decided that not all soulmates end up together. Not all are for this lifetime. He and Don would have a lot of lifetimes left to meet and actually be together, but he could not afford that yet. Not when he could cause such distraction and destruction in his soulmate's life, not when Benjo could potentially ruin Don's life. Plus, as if he would be fit with Don. Fate must have decided that, but fate is not Benjo. He knows himself the most, he thought, and he knows that he himself will be the greatest hindrance to Don's growth. He would only pull him down.

Then there is the issue of whether or not Don loves him, cares for him romantically or anything like that. There were nothing in the soulmate clause that they have to be in love with each other for it to manifest. It would be just the universe's way of joking with people like Benjo, to give him short of a chance to be happy and in love.

Now, Benjo would leave without a trace, will hide somewhere far away from Don and do anything not to hurt him, not to be with him, and not have anyone's future compromised because of him and his failures. He looked around the white walls, the scattered books around the place, the weirdly clean sink (probably because Don lives in fast food deliveries), more books in a seven-tier bookshelf, the gray refrigerator, a red bird plushie, the small table where they spend time talking, eating, and reading, the maroon sofa they lounged in sharing videos from NASA, the half-done bed with only Don's side was ever untouched.

With a last sigh, he placed his keys near the Gundam figures he decided he could not take with him, and left, turning the door’s lock and closing the door behind him. He did not say anything about Don. He just saw him and Letty, walked away from them, then packed his bags and left.

He is pathetic, maybe that is why Don never looked at him like that.

He walked down the alley like he always did, he never liked walking through crowds unless he was with Don, for he have always been able to find Don amidst all the people in the world. He wanted so much of Don, maybe demanded too much.

“There he is again, how many times will you try to defeat us?”

Benjo locked away his feelings for Don, for now. He had to deal with this. He had to deal with them and settle the score once and for all.

Benjo pushed up his white-framed glasses, “Still sore from last time? I did not even lose my glasses, then. Sino ba sinasabihan mong talo, ha?”

Baste started to stretch, “'Wag mong sabihin na nakalimutan mo na kami. Maybe you want a recollection?”

Benjo had to roll his eyes, “Please, wag dito. Masyado kayong bagay sa environment.” He gestured to the backdoor garbage bins of various establishments.

Jose smirked, “'Wag kang masyadong mayabang, Beda. Mas matalino pa rin ako sa'yo. Mas marami pa rin ang chix ko kesya sa'yo.”

“Guys, ang tanong: kailan ba kayo nanalo sa akin?”

Their leader, Naldo, stepped forward. He laughed like a Disney villain as he approached Benjo, “Edi wow.”

“Sapakan na lang ba ulit?” Asked Baste. “Paulit-ulit na lang?”

“Why not?” Naldo smiled, and gave Benjo a jab on his cheek.

Benjo barely shielded himself. He needed to do better. He needed to defend himself better, so he would never hurt him as much as he already did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg may i introduce mydudes JRU (Jose) EAC (Naldo) and San Sebastian College (Baste)
> 
> see yall sometime next week for some mappy feelz
> 
> love lots,  
> cheya


	3. Just a Zombie (Crying in the Club)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyaaa good morning to everyone!! did solid adulting this week uwu but here it is!!
> 
> chapter playlist  
> \- Crying in the Club, Camila Cabello  
> \- The Day You Said Goodnight, Hale

The driver stopped in front of a waving Asia. Don could feel a frown coming on from the seat behind the driver who put down the window of the shotgun side as Asia approached them. She put her head inside the opening. Like a snake, thought Don, but completely shut the thought down.

Eh, it is her driver, and her car. She can do anything, even drag me out when I just needed to talk to her on the phone.

She smiled brightly as if already inebriated, “Hi, kuya! I need you to come by and sundo me around 3 A.M. po later. Thanks! Don, get off that car and lets go!”

Don sighed and stepped out of the car. The humidity of Taft Avenue welcomed him as it clearly started to drain all moisture out of him. The streets are full of people and cars. High buildings and condominiums, loud music coming from Sherwood, people, and nearby sirens.

Sherwood is a pavillion of bars and restaurants open until late at night. The signage on the circular roofings said “Sherwood Place” in white font against red background. The stairs stink of urine, alcohol, and puke. He could immediately see the first few stores of the place, the left side has a Crossfit branch, and he could see a Samgyupsal restaurant on the opposite side.

He and Asia walked further inside. More stores akin to the Samgyupsal. A ramen place, then opposite that, tables are lined up parallel to each other as people play beer pong on top of them. Asia led him to Plato.

Of course, Don thought, as he and Asia settled on an outside couch by the bar's door.

Plato had a darker aesthetic, with chalk art making up most of its décor. The illustrations are Game of Thrones themed. One post had “HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR” written on it, and one had Tyrion Lannister's “I drink and know things”.

Don's eyes wandered around the vicinity until Asia caught is attention by tapping his nose, “You liking it here?”

Don looked away and found his eyes settled on a couple making out. He quickly rolled his eyes at their public display.

“Okay...” Asia said, slowly. “Would you even talk to me?”

Don looked back at his friend, “I don't know.”

“Can you tell me what exactly happened? I thought you need me.”

Don adjusted his glasses, “I – I do. It's just... That's just it. I went out with Letty earlier yesterday. Madaling araw, for a study group. I got home around evening, then I found that every single thing of his is gone. He did not say anything. No calls, no texts. I mean, alam kong ganu'n lang naman talaga si Benj, but this is... too extra, even for him.”

“The keys?”

Don nodded, looking like he was about to puke himself. Asia looked at him for a fw seconds before standing up, “Wait here.”

Asia called one of the waiters and talked to him. Don could not make out what she was telling him because of Camila Cabello's voice blaring through their speakers.

 

_You think that you'll die without him_

_You know that's a lie that you tell yourself_

 

After speaking to the waiter, he gave Asia a curt nod and quickly went inside to process what she just asked him to do. Then, without turning her back to Don, she put her left hand on her hip, and dialed numbers with her right.

 

_You fear that you lay alone forever now_

_It ain't true, ain't true, ain't true, no_

 

The waiter placed bottles on their table. Not once Asia looked back at him. A Jose Cuervo, a bottle of Tanduay Ice Vodka, a huge 1.2 L bottle of Red Horse, some imported brand of White Wine (the cursive lettering of the brand name strained Don's eyes), and a few cans of San Mig Light.

 

_So put your arms around me tonight_

_Let the music lift you up like you've never been so high_

 

The waiter opened the Jose Cuervo for him, and poured some of it into three shotglasses. “The miss said you should take three shots,” said the waiter before leaving him to his thoughts and his batallion of poison.

Maybe it could really help, Don thought. Nothing to lose because I already lost it all.

 

_Open up your heart to me_

_Let the music lift you up like you've never been this free_

 

Don downed all three shots.

 

_'Til you feel the sunrise_

_Let the music warm your body like the heat of a thousand fires_

_The heat of a thousand fires_

 

Don then took a swig of Red Horse.

 

_Ain't no crying in the club (hey, hey)_

_Let the beat carry 'way your tears as they fall baby_

 

Another swig.

 

_Ain't no crying in the club (hey, hey)_

_With a little faith, your tears turn to ecstasy_

 

Another shot, another swig, another shot.

 

_Ain't no crying in the club_

_I won't, I won't, I_

 

Another, and another, and another.

 

_Ain't no crying in the club_

_I won't, I won't, I_

_Ain't no crying in the club_

 

After she seemed finished with all the calling, Asia went back, her eyes slightly widens as she saw how much Don already drank from the horde of alcohol, but she smirked anyway as she sat down beside him.

“What's the plan, commander?” Don asked, rather playfully as he downed another shot of the Cuervo. He has made Red Horse the chaser.

Asia chuckled, “Well... we need to have you drunk first.”

“Sorry, A, I think you need to get more than this.”

Asia patted her orange purse, “Gotchu.”

“Alright, then.” Don mused, grabbing a textbook from his bag. Before he could even turn the pages open, Asia grabbed it from him with her right hand as the other gently held a wine glass with sparkly white wine.

“No books tonight, Don.”

“Tch,” was all Don gave away, letting Asia tuck the book back inside his bag and confiscated it entirely . He took a long swig of Red Horse.

 

* * *

 

“MAAAPPYYY, shot pa dali!”

“Salle – ”

“Dali na, Don!” Cheered Phil, grinning from ear to ear.

Arem raised his own shotglass, as Salle forces one against Don's lips. It has been two hours since the three men arrived upon Asia's request. The said woman is now busy taking snaps of eveyone and everything as they watch and support Don consume more alcohol than they have ever seen him.

“Bakit sila, Asia?” Asked Don for the nth rime.

“Kasi, I think they are the ones who could help you most in your... predicament. Experience-wise.”

“Experience-wise?”

Salle took another shot which almost made him out of balance.

Asia frowed at him, “Salle, your bond with Neo ha... You know that alcohol numbs the bond. He may get too worried for his own good.”

Salle grinned, “Sis, nagpaalam ako. He's even going to fetch me. The important part is that Don here will be so drunk he will forget Benjo's name. He needs it. Poor guy's went through a lot.”

“Akalain mo 'yun,” Phil chimed in. “si Benjo biglang mang-iiwan. Tsk, mga lalaki talaga.”

Arem laughed, already drunk, “TRU DAAAAAAT.”

The three laughed as Don tried to see straight. He pointed at Phil, “Paano mo masasabi na kailangan mo na maglakad palayo?”

Phil giggled, “Whoa, here we are. Getting love advice na po si Mayor!” He burped, “Okay, kasi, ganito 'yan, Don. Hindi ko rin alam.”

They all laughed, even Asia.

“Seryoso,” continued Phil. “If I knew then I would not be as confused as now. It's hard when you have a soulmate, and he perf in all of the ways, then you – there's this person who just gets you, maybe as much as the soulmate.”

Arem giggled, “That's totes Mia and Tomas.”

Phil ignored him, “There times na holding on 'yung pinaka worth it. Wala namang pumipilit sa'yong pumili...” All eyes were on him, “Agad agad, siyempre. Let's just trust time to unravel things for us, diba, Don?”

Don nodded, taking another swig of his almost empty third bottle of Red Horse. Around thirty minutes ago, he had also downed a whole bottle of Jose Cuervo, all by himself.

Arem rolled his eyes, “Just go online for a while. You may enjoy the perks of online socializing.”

Asia pouted as she took a sip from her Smirnoff, “You mean Tinder and Grindr? Do people actually find people there? You know, the legit humans.”

“Well – minsan – meron din naman,” Arem stuttered, blusing furiously.

“Grabe ka, Asia, meron naman.” Phil said, with a toothy grin after finishing his can of San Mig Light. Arem followed suit. Phil opened another can, “Sabi sakin ni Manuel meron naman daw. He met this 'really cute person' sabi niya pa sa'kin. Oha. Panis kayong lahat sa kapatid ko. Magaling maka-score online.”

Arem all but spluttered his drink.

Don, in his state, reached out to pat Arem in the back who was trying to regain his breath. “Repapips, oks ka lang?”

Arem smiled, “Ok naman! Goods. Why wouldn't I be?” He straightened up, “What Phil's brother said is totally true. You can meet decent humans there, even the cute ones.”

Phil laughed so hard, “I know. Manuel told me it was you.”

Arem's head hit the table, and he groaned. Everyone laughed, except for Don who was busy fidgeting his phone.

Salle swung an arm across Don's shoulder's, “Mappyyyyyyyy. Ano gawa mo?” Salle lookd at Don's phone and giggled, “Oh. You're really downloading Tinder and Grindr.”

Don shrugged, “Gusto ko ng ka-momol.”

Salle laughed so much tears formed in his eyes, “Para kang ako last year! Mappy, MY MAN, HOE MY GOD. HAHAHAHAHA.”

“I really want to, though.”

Salle nodded as if he is really solemn about it, “I know, Maps, I know. That's okay. I completely support you. Ganyan din ako talaga dati nung ang dami dami ko pang Neo problems. Well, I am not saying the problems were over, but now it's just less... painful and complicated and makes me want to kiss someone else I shouldn't.”

A few minutes later, Don was pretty busy swiping and chatting people on his phone. Salle tsked at him, taking another shot. “Maaaaaps, matagal pa 'yan. I thought you wanted it now?”

Don looked at Salle for a few seconds, “Well, yeah, but who?”

Salle smirked and grabbed Don as they stood up, “Try me, dude, dali.”

Don turned red, “B – But... Neo...”

“Ayaw mo ba?”

“ALAM MO SALLE TANGINA MO MAY CRUSH AKO SA'YO DATI,” Don was panting heavily after that confession. Phil, Arem and Asia have their mouths forming an 'o'.

Salle smiled, and leaned towards Don, their lips almost touching. Don closed his eyes.

And almost slipped.

Neo and Mia saw the whole tirade. Mia frowned and dashed up the stairs, her heels clacking to where the group were huddled. Neo followed a second later. Salle and Phil caught Don, who bubbled with laughter.

“DUUUUUUUUUDES. S... sorry.”

The two took Don back on the couch. Mia frowned at all of them, “Why, guys? I thought we were in the same team?!”

“We are,” Phil said as he smiled warmly at Mia. “We were talking about you earlier, you know.”

Mia almost got distracted but she was able to ctoss her arms over her chest. Phil smiled, “We were helping him.”

Mia raised an eyebrow. Salle sighed, “We were just trying to lighten up a broken heart.”

Mia rolled her eyes, “By trying to kiss him? I mean, dude, you saw that, right?”

“Saw what?”

“Ugh, nevermind. The damage is done. We just need to drag all of you to Cessie.” Mia turned to Salle as she tried to grab Phil by the arm, “Is she still awake?”

Salle grabbed his and Don's things, “I think so. She's working on something.”

“Okay,” Asia said, standing up. “Imma head home. My driver's waiting.”

“Bye, Asia, ingat!” Phil grinned.

Arem pushed back his face mask, “Uhm, me too. Asia will drive me.”

“Bye, Arem, ingat!” Phil waved. Mia rolled her eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

Cessie opened the door for them with a smile, as if she was really expecting them drunk and wasted. She skipped back to her WaCom when they stepped in. Neo was the one who locked the door. Phil jumped into Salle's bed. Salle and Don got the couch. Mia sat beside the already sleeping Phil, musing his hair.

Salle smiled, “Mia, ikaw ha.”

“'Wag ka na, Salle. May kasalanan ka pa.”

“Speaking of...” Salle murmured, and took Neo's wrist who was standing over them. “Ayaw mo ba ako pansinin?”

Neo looked away.

“Sorry na, please?”

Silence, until they could hear muffled sobs coming from Salle's other side. Don's eyes are closed, but tears are coming out from his eyes. “Benj,” he whispered. “Bakit kasi aral ako ng aral... para tuloy akong binutasan... like five centavos... was I shot..?”

Salle scratched the back of his head, “Hehe. Bumigay din.”

 


	4. Let Me Go (Who I Am Is Not Who I Wanna Be)

Salle smirked, “Try me, dali.”

Don turned red, “B – But... Neo...”

“Ayaw mo ba?”

“ALAM MO SALLE TANGINA MO MAY CRUSH AKO SA'YO DATI,” Don was panting heavily after that confession. Phil, Arem and Asia have their mouths forming an 'o'.

Salle laughed, and leaned towards Don, their lips almost touching. Don closed his eyes, his back facing Benjo, who quickly turned around. He could not bear to see that, anything but that. Hours ago, Asia had sent him a simple text which read: “Sherwood. Up to you.”

Benjo did not make it in time.

He saw familiar figures as he turned around. Neo and Mia. Mia frowned and dashed up the stairs, her heels clacking to where the group were huddled. Neo placed a hand on his shoulder for a second before following Mia.

And Benjo... walked away again. Something he realized he was good at.

 

* * *

 

 

A small kid the age of five looked down on his reflection on one of the puddles the rain left around the playground. Three boys his age laughed at him. His hair fell into his eyes, obscuring most of his face. They were at it again, they have been at it every time Benjo goes to the playground to play alone. It should already be normal for him, well, it was, but the feelings were raw every single time.

“Tipaklong!” Yelled the smallest one of them. “Tignan mo siya, Naldo! HAHA. Ang payat payat na parang tipaklong. Talon pa ng talon. Para kang eng eng, alam mo ba 'yun? I think I can write a whole book about your stupidity, hahaha.”

Naldo grinned, “Oo nga, Jose. Just look at him. Ang dami niyang nunal sa ilong! Sa pisngi! Pati balikat niya meron! HAHAHA. Taong nunal! Libag boy! Right, Baste?”

Baste laughed so hard he almost doubled over, “Bansot! Bansot! Bansot!”

Benjo kept on looking at his reflection. Nothing changed. He did not grew taller, his freckles stayed where they are, and he did not gain any muscle in his arms. Maybe they were right? Maybe they would not say it if it was not true. Maybe they would not make fun of him if he were not like the things they said in the first place. Maybe they would stop if Benjo would just disappear – Naldo hit him on the head, making him fall face first onto the muddy puddle.

Benjo tasted the earth he wanted so much to be a part of at that moment. He wanted to bury himself with the mud and stay there forever. Anything just to end this.

He needs to stand up.

Benjo pulled his face from the mud, and used his palms to wipe them away, used his shirt, his arms. The three were laughing so hard. He could feel tears cleanse his face.

The laughter died when a tall bespectacled boy stared at the scene before him as he walked by, clutching his satchel bag. He was their age, but his eyes tell them he knows so much than all of their brains combined. With mud still on his face, Benjo felt so much humiliation in front of the boy.

The three looked like they have been found out. Naldo faced the newcomer, “Ano bang tingin tingin mo?”

Jose puffed out his small chest, “Yeah, whaaaaat chuuu loooking at?”

The boy dragged his stare from Benjo to the trio, then back at the road, “Tch. Pathetic.”

The bespectacled boy walked away, and Benjo thought it was the coolest thing ever.

 

* * *

 

 

That bespectacled boy was Don Tomas Mapua, Benjo learned when he saw him around the neighborhood. He had ran up after Don's long strides in order to thank him. Don gave him the briefest of smiles, ruffled his hair, and told him, “You're strong.”

After that incident, he wanted to become strong and as cool as Don too. He wanted to protect Don as much as Don protected him on that day by merely being himself, merely saying one word to the kids who all but humiliated him. So, he started taking up classes on martial arts, like karate, taekwondo, and judo. He started to go to gym when they hit their teens. Though he did not lose the freckles, and the did not grew as tall as he hoped to, he did gain a lot of the muscles whilst being in that small frame of his. Don gave him small smiles here and there when he meets him after his practices and workouts.

He thought they would be gone and they would stop bothering him. Don thought so too, for he did not hear anything more about them from Benjo after that afternoon when he went and the trio gave him a mudpack. Well, to be fair, it did stop for a while, until a few years later when they found him walking down the street after buying himself some sweets. They caught him by surprise.

“Ooh. Look who we get to see again after a few years. Didn't grow much, eh?” It was Naldo, Jose, and Baste all over again. It was as if time stretched them vertically. They did not even change one bit.

“Dumami yata mga nunal mo!” Yelled Baste, laughing hard he clutched his stomach.

“Ano...” Benjo murmured. He gulped, and looked at them straight in their faces, raising his fists. “Ano? Sapakan na lang ba?”

Jose smiled, “Aba... he's speaking back. This is a good development.”

Naldo walked towards Benjo, and they beat the shit out of him.

 

* * *

 

 

He won, though, but it was rather a pyrrhic victory. Benjo could not even open his left eye. His right arm could be broken, too. He did not let Don see him like that, he prepared this lengthy explanation that his sister Yssa needed him for an important project and he would be needed as much as all of his extra time. He even told Don how much sleep he ended up not getting at all. The latter part of the excuse worked, especially Don does not get any sleep himself at all. He got an “Okay. Don’t overwork.” text after sending the lengthy text message.

Of course, the ‘beating up and him winning but not actually enough to make them go away’ cycle did not stop at all. He almost became a creative writer for making up his fictional excuses, to which Don replies with the usual agreement and a reminder to take it easy.

Benjo have always thought that Don looked at him and he would see someone who he needs to take care of, some sort of a companion, like a pet, perhaps. This changed when he realized his tall friend is having a hard time to connect to any other human being. He knew from the very beginning that Don is a man of few words. Too little for his own good, actually.

Benjo knew how Don would naturally purse his lips together not knowing how to include himself in a group conversation especially if it something that he is totally interested with. He realized this the first time Benjo dragged Don to hang out with Yssa, Salle, and Ace. Don’s blank expression could fool everyone to think that Don’s sole world is his studies and would not waste his time on the current conversation on Mobile Suit Gundam. Though Benj knew that Don was merely holding back from being part of the conversation not because he is too busy conceptualizing a new blueprint for his next robot project but simply because Don doesn’t know how to freaking socialize.

He knew this as he noticed how Don would take even breaths, as beads of sweat would form around his forehead. Don’s shoulder would tense and his left hand would clench and unclench every 3.5 seconds under the table, debating whether he should butt it in this moment or not. And every time, Don decides to not speak up Benj saw how Don tends to look down like a dejected puppy and God, he looks too adorable and he just wants to hug him but he doesn’t want him to look this sad and anxious. Ever.

“Ikaw ba Benj? Nanonood ka ba?”

“Hindi. ” Yssa replied. “Busy yan manood ng My Little Pony”

“OH MY GOD” Cess eyes lit up, “YOU’RE WATCHING TOO?”

“Oo naman” Benjo smirked, he turned to look at Don, “Pero ayan. Favorite niya ang Gundam!”

“Weh?”

“Oo, akala niyo nagpupuyat siya kaka-cram? Mas nagpupuyat yan para i-replay yung series.”

“Replay? The series are looong pa naman.”

Benj prides himself in how he could read Don like nobody else. He was actually relieved to see that Don is now relaxed as he is part of the current conversation. Though Don would always be unpredictable for him as Benj felt another hand intertwining with his. He turned to Don as his face was starting to turn to a shade of beet red, while Don has a little lopsided grin while his eyes were intently focused as Ace continues to blabber about Iron Blooded Orphans.

“Bakit namumula si gago?”

“Tangina mo, wala ka na doon!”

That was when Benjo realized that Don needed him too, that he could protect and be useful to Don himself as well. It was nice, being mutual, being symbiotic, being friends. Benj has someone like Don who accepts him and takes whatever shit of excuses he has had given the boy and continues to guide him, and Don has him to look for when Don needed reassurance, when Don needed Benjo for Don’s own wellbeing, sometimes. Most of the time, Benjo waves trouble after trouble onto Don’s life.

 

* * *

 

 

Benjo’s circumstances changed when he was able to drag Don into one of these organization parties in their freshman year where alcohol is the first and foremost ingredient. The organization president finished her bottle of Soju and placed it on the empty living room floor of some member’s mansion. Benjo was invited, for the first time in his life, to a grandeur party like this, and Don maybe thought to humor him or maybe to make sure Benjo would have a familiar face with him.

He brought trouble to Don the moment Benjo got drunk. The organization members called everyone to a spin the bottle on the floor. Don was asked to sit across Benjo, instead of beside him.

“Is this your first time?” Asked a girl on his left. Benjo nodded, “Should I be worried?”

The other girl on his right laughed, “Oh, silly. You shouldn’t. This would be fun. Basically, they will spin the bottle twice.The two persons that will be chosen by the bottle will either make out, or the both of you will down five shots of the vodka!”

Benjo looked back at Don, “Five shots or a kiss…?” He caught Don’s eye who raised his eyebrow. Benjo blushed furiously. Did he just thought of kissing Don? He could just drink the five shots… but a kiss from Don...

“Okay! First round!”

It was the girl on his right, and a guy from Don’s side. They made out. Everyone cheered, even Don smiled a bit at the display.

After the laughter and the cheering died down, the second round was… pointed at him. And a girl. He quickly down the five shots. The girl, pouting, did the same. Don grinned. Benjo was so giddy afterwards because of the alcohol and surely because of Don’s grin that he volunteered to spin the bottle for the third round.

It was two girls. They decided to make out. Some boys yelled their excitement. The girls laughed and hollered. They lasted more than a minute, and most laughed and cheered for them in their drunken stupor. The fourth pair drank their shots, and one of them ended up almost fainting.

The fifth round then was spun by the girl on his right. It pointed to Don, and to himself. Don looked at him with wide eyes. Benjo is so done, he could not even face Don at that moment because he was so red. “Make out! Make out! Make out!” Everyone cheered. Benjo looked at Don who is looking at him. He could not humiliate and embarrass Don like this. He took a vodka-filled shot glass. Don mouthed something like, “You don’t want to?” before Benjo downed the drink. Don’s face fell (or maybe not and it would be just Benjo’s drunken imaginings), and drank five shots. The game went on up to twenty rounds, but neither Don nor Benjo did the bottle spin to. Benjo excused himself to the bathroom when people wanted more rounds and would be granted to them.

When Benjo closed he bathroom door behind him and wiping his soles on the rug, he almost bumped into someone. He looked up. It was a drunk Don staring daggers at him.

“Don? Are you okay? Do you need somethi -- hmpf!”

Don pushed him against the bathroom door.

“I can’t… I’m sorry, Benj. I don’t think I can hold out much longer.”

Don kissed him, and he kissed him back, realizing he loved the bespectacled boy ever since he looked at Benjo’s face full of mud.

 

* * *

 

 

The door creaked open. The lights were turned on. Benjo crumpled on the sofa because of the sudden brightness in the room.

“Ah! Yssa, you’re back!”

“Benjo, what are you doing here?”

Benjo scratched the back of his head, “Eh, it did not end well with Don…”

“END WELL?” Yssa laughed, “Sira na ba kukote mo?”

Benjo shrugged, “Maybe. I just don’t know where to go so I thought I’d use the spare key you gave me years ago --”

“--IT WAS A JOKE! When I told you to use it when you decide you don’t want to be with Don anymore? It was a joke.” Yssa sighed, “So, what’s your plan?”

“I don’t really know, Yssa. They’re still around me. If Don is really my soulmate, I need to not get hurt. I should settle it with them once and for all. It all needs to stop.”

Yssa raised an eyebrow, “Even the relationship?”

Benjo sighed, “I guess. I should not hurt him anymore. I just don’t know what should I do now that I’ve done it all and walked away.”

Yssa smirked, “Lucky for you, brother, I have the perfect job!”

 


	5. Our Love, It's Gone (With You in the Middle)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter playlist  
> \- Middle, DJ Snake  
> \- Stitches, Shawn Mendes
> 
> enjoy!!
> 
> love lots,  
> cheya

“Benj,” he whispered. “Bakit kasi aral ako ng aral... para tuloy akong binutasan... like five centavos... was I shot..?”

He could hear Salle's voice afterwards, but he could not make out anything of it. He removed his glasses, making the world more blurry than it already does.

“You're my constellations... the major and the minor... subjects... I study for yooouuu...”

It was Salle again. It sounded like, “MAPPY HAHAHA OKAY KA LANG?”

Then it was Cessie, he thinks, who replied, “Kuyaaa, lasing na nga si Kuya Don pinagtatawanan mo pa.”

There was a “Hmmph,” from Neo.

Mia was giggling all throughout, trying to suppress the sound but failing.

He felt like he was swaying, and there is this certain song that got stuck in his head for a while now. Don opened his mouth and sang it. Rather, tried to sing it.

“ _ Needle and a thread, gonna get you out of my head... Needle and a thread, gonna wind up dead _ ...”

More laugher. A huge palm smacked his upper back, “Pare, ang miserable mo.”

Don could just nod. Maybe because of the alcohol, maybe because it was totally true.

“Ate Asia is so amazing that he was able to take Kuya Don out for this much drinks,” said Cessie, somewhere in the room.

“Well,” started Neo, voice gruff. “He needed it.”

Don took out his phone from his pocket, and started texting someone... someone who could finally put him out from the miserable state Salle confirmed that he was in, not that he was going to ever deny that too. 

To: Baeda

_ Hello. _

_ Benjo? _

_ U busy? _

_ Benjo? Are you alright? _

_ Pls text back. _

_ Did you lose your phone again? _

_ Where did your stuff all go? _

_ Were you planning on leaving all along? _

_ Why didn't you tell me anything? _

_ Benjo? Why did you leave me? _

_ I need you. Please come back. _

Those were the first barrage of messages he has sent Benjo ever since he took his bags and left Don in the dark. He checked his senses and there was nothing, there is totally nothing through the bond, if the bond really exists. Maybe it was only Don's imagination, after all. There was a time his soulmate kept on being beaten up, but it was long since he felt hurt or obtained a lot of injury through the soulmate bond. He tried texting Benjo a few more times, until he decided to call.

Salle chuckled as Don put the phone in his ear, “Ayan na. Drunk calling na si kuya mo!”

“Shut up, Salle. Leave the guy alone,” quipped Neo.

“I'm sorry,”

“No,” Neo replied. “You're not.”

“Yeah.”

The line went dead without it even ringing in the first place. The operator's voice filled Don's ear. He dialed again. Nothing. He dialed more. Still nothing.

“Baka nagpalit ng number?” Suggested Mia.

Don looked around them. He suddenly stood. This made him dizzy that it took bot Neo and Salle to help him upright. Don looked around for Salle's sister, “Cessie? Cessie... I... please?”

Cessie's eyes widened, and she knew what Don wanted. She ran back to her desk, pulled out a drawer and took a red permanent marker. She ran back and gave it to Don, “It's okay if you use it all up. I have tons of those.”

Don nodded, “Thanks, Cessie.” He slumped back to the couch, rolled up his sleeves, and Don started to write on his own skin.

 

* * *

 

 

Salle went out of the condominium tapping at his phone and Neo following closely behind him.

Neo flicked Salle's nape.

Salle jumped, rubbing his nape, “Aw, Neo, no fair.”

Neo crossed his arms, “What are you doing?”

“Texting about everyone I know.”

“And why is that?”

“To help Mappy, of course.”

Neo sighed, “He is a grown man. He knows how to bleed, he knows how to pick it all up himself. You and Asia should just leave him alone. I trust him that he knows what to do.”

Salle stopped tapping and looked at Neo, “He... He called Asia for help, Neo. If he knew what to do, would he even make that call? Mappy has had Benjo experience ever since we were all kids. They knew each other better than anyone. But now...”

“I don't know if we should meddle, Salle.”

“I know, but I would not have you today if no one also hadn't.”

Neo chuckled, “You want to give the help back, is that it?”

“Well, yeah, sure. I've had friends, now they would have me.”

Neo sighed again and turned around, “Alright, but if you fucked up, don't say I didn't warn you.”

Salle turned back to his screen as Neo went back inside the unit. He hovered a few seconds on a certain person's name before tapping it to dial. The other line immediately picked up on the first ring.

“Yssa?”

“HELLO BAKIT NGAYON KA LANG NAGPARAMDAM ULIT?”

“Uhm, Yssa, I chatted you yesterday--”

“ANYWAY, BAKIT?”

“Where are you?”

“I AM ABOUT O GO HOME RIGHT NOW.”

“Okay. Don't freak.”

“ANO NA NAMAN BA TO?”

“Nasa condo ko ngayon si Mappy. He's drunk, crying, and writing a loooot on his skin. Benjo packed his bags ang left without a trace. He could not contact your brother too. We all think he is going insane at this point.”

“AHHHHH I SEE. I might know where he is.”

“I know. I think Asia has a plan that coincided with her other plan.”

“SI ASIA?”

“Hehe. Well, Phil and I had a plan that coincided with hers. She is planning to have this Welcome 2018 party for everyone--”

“--that would be set at the end of January, yeah. I've heard. I think my brother wouldn't want to go.”

“Exactly. If Phil and I guessed it right, he would hide there with you so he would not be able to hurt Mappy.”

Yssa sighed, “Most likely. So? Plans is?”

“Asia will hire Benjo. Anonymously. Ikaw na bahala, Yssa.”

“Sige. I'll do what I can. I'm here at my front door. I think he's inside. Thanks. BYE SEE YOU SOON BAKLA.”

“HAHAHA, SEE YOU.”

When Salle went back inside of the unit, Neo was looking at him. “So?”

“He's at Yssa's.”

“Don was trying to scratch his back. I think someone replied.”

Salle's eyes lit up, “You think...?”

They both lifted up Don's shirt, exposing his back. There were a lot of words written there, with eleven numbers.

 

_ Here's his new number. Promise not to call before you see him again. Chill lang muna kayo. Take a break. Things will fall into place. - Yssa _

_ P.S. I doubt Benjo would even notice this, he asleep. _

 

* * *

 

 

Don woke up and felt as if he had run a million miles across the desert. His throat dry as sand, his head spins about him as if he was a planet rotating around the sun in the speed of light. Rays of the sun enter through the gaps made by the olive green curtains. Cessie was sleeping on her desk, Phil and Mia occupied Salle's bed, and Neo and Salle are spooning in Cessie's bed. He was on the couch, his whole body covered with markings. He... he had done it. He tried everything he could to reach him, then. Even though Don was drunk, he did not regret that part.

He could just hope that Benjo's skin would look exactly the same.

He stood up and stumbled to the kitchen counter. He rummaged through their fridge. Beer. Cheese. Chocolates. More alcohol. Don's stomach growled. He should call up a fast food chain to get food, and get the sleeping company food when they woke up too. So, first, he should get caffeine.

Finding an instant coffee was easy enough, they were stashed near Cessie's desk by the windows. He went back to the counters and tried to find their water heating appliance. Don found it after ten minutes. He was able to get purified water from the table.

The instant coffee was a temporary fix for Don's grogginess, just the smell helps Don overcome his hangover. Too excited, Don burned himself by the first sip.

“Sorry,” Don murmured. “If you felt it, Benj, I'm sorry. Also, if you can come back to me that would be really great.”

Last night, they brought him to Plato in order to cope and drink his ass off. Maybe to also have themselves drink their asses off too. Asia helped him. Phil, Arem and... Salle. He was too kind, allowing himself to be kissed just so he could maybe help Don. Everyone should know that would not help him at all. The kissing strangers part. 

They never kissed formally and confessed and all the things Salle and Neo struggled to do over the past years. It was too impossible for Don for... for the person is Benjo. How can he be ever deserving of him, right?

He had kissed Benjo once, years ago, at a drinking party of someone he never even knew. Benjo tagged him along, and he accepted the invite because well, it was Benjo who asked. He had always have this soft spot for the freckled boy and his wide, bright eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

The fifth round then was spun by the girl on Benjo's right. The bottle stopped, its mouth pointing at him. The girl spun the bottle once more, and it landed on Benjo, something Don had been hoping ever since the first round. Benjo got beet red that his freckles looked like pepper on chili.

Cute, Don thought.

“Make out! Make out! Make out!” Everyone cheered. Benjo looked at Don who was looking at him. Don prepared everything that he is for this moment. Benjo looked down at his shirt and Don noticed the subtlest of his head shake.

Oh.

He could not help his face from falling. He mouthed, “You don't want to?” Because Don? Don really want to. He has been wanting it to happen for a long long time. Benjo down the first of his five and Don's heart plummeted. He mechanically did what he needed to do and downed his own set of five shots. 

he game went on up to twenty rounds, but neither Don nor Benjo did the bottle spin to. Benjo excused himself to the bathroom when people wanted more rounds and the senior member said that it would be granted to them.

When Benjo closed he bathroom door behind him and wiping his soles on the rug, he almost bumped into someone. He looked up to Don. Benjo never looked so beautiful. Don wanted to sob.

Benjo's eyes wided with worry, “Don? Are you okay? Do you need somethi -- hmpf!”

Don pushed him against the bathroom door.

He just could not hold back. He could never. He never had much resolve around the freckled guy ever since they were kids, “I can’t… I’m sorry, Benj. I don’t think I can hold out much longer.”

Don kissed him, and Benjo kissed back, realizing he loved the freckled boy ever since he looked at Benjo’s face full of mud.

 

* * *

 

Maybe he was just drunk then, Don thought as he gathered his things, his mug of coffee gone cold. He could not even finish it. He could not even eat after remembering that night. He could only manage to wash off most of what he wrote on his arms the night before. He knows what to do. He needed to confront Benjo. He opened his phone, and it was on a photo of him. Rather, his back. There was something written on him, and it was from Yssa.

Yssa. Don had wondered if Yssa would get mad at him for driving Benjo away from him like that and possibly hurting her brother in the most despicable way, but she seemed chill about everything that has been going on between him and Benjo.

With a sigh, he pocketed his phone and walked out of the condo. They would understand, Don was sure. They would know what I needed to do by now.

 

* * *

 

He tracked them down by the scent of cigarettes in dark alleys. The trio smirked upon seeing Don and his still half-desheveled look.

“Speak,” Don said, throwing them a fresh pack of cigarettes. Jose caught it with precision. Even if they are mean and bullies, they had a simple mind. Don knew they would always have to retaliate, they always have to give back, take back, get revenge.

“Our pleasure,” Jose said, greedily opening the pack.

“Lighter?” Demanded Naldo. Don pulled one from his pocket and threw it at them and Naldo caught it before passing it to Jose.

“He has been missing for a few days. We had not have a good, even match ever since we saw him last time.”

“Which was when?”

“I don't remember exactly. Most likely one day ago? Two days ago? We usually 'meet up' with him every week.”

Shit. Don did not know this. He knew Benjo was still encountering this guys, but not this recent, and not this frequent. Before he could say another word, Don's phone pinged with an e-mail. He fished the phone from his pocket and opened the message. It was from Asia. An invation, an urgent one.

He looked at the trio, “So, what do you want from him?”

“To win against him, once and for all,” Naldo grinned.

Don knew what to do, but he needed to reach Benjo, fast. He could not care anymore if he ever loved Don back or not, he could not care if he and Benjo would never work out. 

He just need to see him for right now,  for Don, Benjo is in the middle of it all.


	6. Payback is Sick (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heya!! here's the 6th chapter and get ready for some real -angst- haha
> 
> chapter playlist  
> -Dancing With Tears In My Eyes, Kesha  
> -The Other, Lauv  
> -Please Don’t Go, Joel Adams
> 
>  
> 
> love you all! thank you so much for supporting this fic!
> 
> love lots,  
> cheya

Benjo scrunched up his face as he felt sunlight on his face, effectively waking him up. He opened an eye. Yssa had pushed away the curtains.

“Too early,” he remarked to his sister.

“Not really. Also, you should really wash up. Your soulmate did a number on your… well, on you. Get up.”

Benjo hesitated in opening his other eye. When he did, it automatically focused on his marker-laced arms.

What the fuck?!

“Guwah!” was his reaction as he fell from the couch. Markings are all over his arms and his torso. There were words like “pls” and “come back to me”, but they were mostly scribbles, curly lines, and a few hearts. All in red permanent marker. The soulmate bond was really strong last night. Maybe it was because of Don’s will too. Soulmate bonds becomes stronger as the soulmates yearn for each other more, as their feelings strengthen the bond. The least they feel longing for each other, or if there are feelings of indifference between the soulmates, the less stronger it would be to the point that it could possibly break.

“Oh, make sure you wash your back too. I replied to him there,” chuckled Yssa.

“Replied?”

Yssa laughed, “I gave him your number. Told him to let off steam and calm down. This is grand. Like really, really grand for Don. Especially for Don. I never seen him pull of something like this. Whatever did you do to the guy?”

“I left.”

Yssa gave him a smack on the head as he went to a sitting position on the couch, “Exactly, you idiot. Now, you go and fix the shit you did, hmm?”

Benjo sighed, stood up, and headed to the bathroom, “So fucking bossy, Yssa.”

His sister’s face brightened, “Ciao! Good luck with all the scrubbing. I’ll see you later in the venue thingy I forwarded to you. DON’T BE LATE OR UUPAKAN TALAGA KITA PRAMIS.”

Yssa left Benjo to himself. He could not believe it as he scrubbed away mark after mark.

Don did this? All of these? Each of these?

Lines on his arms and torso seem to go on and on to places he did not even know possible to be written on by himself. Benjo was sorry to scrub away all the hearts, too.

Maybe there might be a chance.

Chance of what? That Don loves him back? Benjo acknowledges this possibility, but either way, his capability to hurt Don would never ever change. Whether Don loves him back or not he will never Being with him still was not the right choice, thought Benjo as he wrapped a towel around his waist and exited the bathroom. He frowned as he buttoned up a white polo shirt. His gaze found a globe Don got him years ago for Christmas.

 

* * *

 

Benjo’s visits to Don’s was so frequent that it was so close for Benjo to call it his home. Although, anywhere can be called home as long as Don is beside him. It was Christmas Eve, and Don being a loner, literally have no plans on doing anything during the holidays. 

“What do you mean, you have no plans?” Benj asked, completely exasperated with Don in the other line. His left hand was leaning against the wall, while his other hand was earnestly grasping the phone.  

“What?” Don replied lazily, “I’m just gonna rest. No big deal.” 

“And what are your plans exactly for dinner tonight?”

Silence echoed from the other line. 

“You forgot to eat ANYTHING, didn’t you?” 

Again, silence. 

“What the actual fuck, Don” 

Don started, “Meh. I could just get something deliv-” 

“Save it. I’ll be there in 30 minutes.” 

Benjo shrugged it all off as much as he could. He needs to stop being like this, he needs to stop feeling like he failed at something, a feeling he could not quite identify. He wanted to leave him, he thought to himself.

This is all his fault.

 

* * *

 

The event would be a masquerade ball, and Benjo was the one assigned to put designs like ribbons and sequins on the different colored masks. He sat on the wooden chair and looked at the table in front of him. It was half covered with glitters. A tub of glue and a box of sequins, ribbons and rhinestones are on his left. He took the yellow mask and showered it with glue and yellow glitters. He places sequins on the blue ones. Ribbons on the green ones. He did not know what to do with the red masks. He stared at it as a smile made its way on his face.

Don loved to wear a red mask when they were small. Benjo wore a white version of his mask. They tried to chase each other wearing the mask. Don loved to wear the mask with a cape.

Benjo shook his head as he let the memory fade in his mind. That is in the past, and look where they are now. At least he does not hurt Don by making masquerade masks. Benjo decided to get up with his bag and take a break, which led him outside.

It was heavily raining as he reached the smoking area. He took his unopened pack of cigarettes. He put a stick in his mouth, took a lighter from his back pocket and tried to lit it. He was unsuccessful in his second try.

When he finally was able to lit his cigarette after a few more times, a girl ran towards the smoking area from the rain. She was soaking wet, her short hair dropping on the sides of her face. Her light blue collared shirt stuck to her body.

Benjo opened his bag, took his red and white handkerchief and offered it to the girl, “Addie, mukhang basang basa ka.”

The girl jumped in surprise.

“Sorry,” said Benjo. “Nagulat yata kita.”

Addie shook her head fast, “No, no, no! That’s fine!” She took the handkerchief, “Thank you so much!” She started to wipe her face.

“Benjo, how are things nga pala?”

Benjo scratched the back of his head, “Eh… Ayus lang naman, I guess…”

“Ah, ganun ba.” Addie looked at him, “I heard about you and Don.”

“Who doesn’t? Haha. Ganun talaga ang buhay. Things end. Things begin.”

Addie smiled and gave back the handkerchief, holding it with both of her hands. Benjo took it and dropped it in his bag.

She sighed, “Not when you can help it, you know? If you still have the power to change things, maybe you should.”

“You’re one to talk.”

Addie blushed, “That’s different. I never had that power that you have with you, Benjo.”

Before Benjo could give his reply, a sleek black car stopped in front of them. The door opened to an orange umbrella being unfolded. The rider went out with, “Hoe may gahd, please. Eww, I think it’s gonna flood.”

“Asia?” Benjo inquired.

Asia Pacifica fluttered her eyes on Benjo as if she could not believe that he was standing there, “Oh. There you are. Follow me. You’re the utusan in my party. Addie will be my supervising assistant.”

 

* * *

 

 

Three days later.

The party is in full swing. The drapes on the walls are alternating black and white. The cloths on the tables and chairs were black. Benjo was tasked to serve people wine. He was walking around the venue when two newcomers entered the ballroom.

It was Yssa in her royal blue cocktail dress with a matching blue mask full of sequins. Her arm was joined with a man in a white suit and a green bowtie. Based on the plastered sly grin on his mouth, Benjo knew it was Salle even if he was wearing the green mask Benjo was making days before.

“Salle, Yssa!” That was Asia in her pastel orange lace dress, approaching the pair.

Benjo was quick to approach them as well, looking away as he brought the tray of wine to their reach. Yssa and Salle took two each, holding one in each hand.

Salle was even kind enough to give him a curt nod with a, “Thanks, pare.”

Yssa gave him a wink. Benjo hopes she have not told Salle anything yet. They would probably beat him up for leaving Don unceremoniously. He himself too, wants to do exactly that. He walked past them to serve the other guests.

After serving almost everyone, Benjo found himself without any orders left from Asia. He headed to the bar. The barista smiled up him, knowing him from yesternight as Benjo helped him set up his booth and arrange his alcohol and assist to bring his other materials and ingredients.

“Enjoying the party?” Asked the barista.

“Nah, been serving everyone wine the past thirty minutes. I’m grateful for a drink.”

“Alright,” replied the barista. “One drink coming up.”

“Make it three.”

“Three?”

Benjo shrugged, “They all say third time’s the charm.”

“Don’t blame me if you get shitfaced and Miss Asia will make you do something.”

“Nah, ako na bahala sa kanya...” Words died in Benjo’s mouth when a tall man entered the double doors, both of his hands in his pockets. The wind was knocked out of him. 

There he was. Don, in a white polo which sleeves have been pulled to his elbows. He wore it under the black vest with white stripes and red tie. His slacks seemed to go on down forever because of his stature. His sharp nose accentuated by the red mask he was wearing. On his arm was Letty, who giggled as if on cue.

Of course it would be her, Benjo thought.

 

* * *

 

 

It has been an hour since Asia opened the dancefloor and the bar, where Benjo was still lounging in. People have come and go, to and from the dancefloor. He had seen Neo, Mia, Phil, even Faye and Ace.

Benjo scanned the place. Manuel and Arem are sitting on a couch. Manuel, as always, cheerful and all smiles. Arem was stiff and looks as if he has the urge to throw up, but he said something quick to which Manuel laughed his ass off.

Yue stood at the side of the ballroom, gently swaying. And Don? Don was everywhere the past hour. He had danced with Letty until the girl ditched her high heels and danced with him with bare feet. He had also danced with Yssa for a minute, then with Salle, then Neo… Really, Benjo lost count. Don was not even a prolific dancer, but tonight, Benjo could feel the heat coming from him on the dancefloor.

Benjo found Don again as he swept Cessie around. Cessie was smiling while saying something to him, and Don gave Cessie a nod. Benjo’s watching got interrupted by a hard smack on his shoulder.

Yssa had hit him. She and Salle had taken positions beside him on the bar. Salle ordered beer and Yssa got tequila. When both got their drinks on their hands, Salle shook his head after a swig.

He chuckled, “You never change, Benjo.”

Benjo snorted in reply.

“But this isn’t the time to be stubborn,” Salle added.

“You’re the least person I wanted a lecture from, Salle.”

“Maybe not, but--”

“Yeah, Salle, save it.”

Yssa groaned, “Guys, please.” She looked at her brother, “Benjo, alam mong uupakan ka na talaga namin if you keep on being like this.”

“Ano ba gusto ninyong gawin ko?”

“Mag-usap kayo, duh.” Yssa rolled her eyes.

“Benjo,” said Salle after downing his beer. “You know I’ve been there, right? ‘Wag mo na patagalin. Walang magagawa ‘yang paghihintay ninyong dalawa.”

It was Benjo’s turn to roll his eyes, “Ewan ko sa’yo, Salle.”

“Just try,” shrugged Salle.

Don was twirling Cessie on the dancefloor. Benjo gave a smile in their way, “It’s… it’s not worth it anymore. You know? I already destroyed everything beyond repair.”

Salle sighed, “Maybe not, but he’s your soulmate. It should always be worth it.”

Salle stood up, gave a tip to the barista and left. Yssa punched him lightly on the shoulder before walking after Salle.

 

* * *

 

 

_ It should always be worth it. _

Salle’s words echoed in Benjo’s mind throughout the night, even as he slung his backpack over one shoulder and exited the venue through the hotel’s backdoor. Benjo sighed and closed the door behind him.

“Hey,” a voice said behind him.

“What’s with me and backdoor alleyways?” Benjo muttered. To the intruder he said, “Oh, fuck off. You here to beat me up? Guess what? I’m already pretty beat.”

The wind howled. Benjo could see the figure approach him from his peripheral vision.

“I know,” the voice replied, rather quietly. Benjo could feel his eyes sting, he did not know if it was because of the words said or the proximity of the person who said it. Benjo turned around to look up at Don, whose frowning face stared back at him.

“Come home,” is all what Don said, still staring back down at him.”

Benjo looked away, “I…”

“Come home,” it was more adamant, this time. Don leaned forward, “Come. Home.”

Benjo looked down, “I don’t… have the keys… anymore.”

Don sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, hoisting his glasses up, “Fine, Benjo, be that way.”

The wind howled colder. Benjo finally looked up at Don, “I couldn’t come home. I don’t… I was never even sure if that was ever home. Was it?”

It was Don’s turn to look away, “I’m sure it is. For me, that is.”

Benjo settled for a smile, “We did have good memories. That’s enough, I guess. For me, it is, you know?”

Don’s eyes turned glassy, “No, I didn’t. Thanks for telling me.”

“Don?”

“You’re not going to come back,” it was not a question, but a statement. A fact.

“No, I’m not.”

“Alright,” sighed Don. “See you around,” he said as he tried to walk away.

Benjo’s reflexes acted better of him and he took Don’s wrist, “Don, I… I’m sorry.”

Don broke away from the hold, “No, you’re not.”

“I am, really, I’m sorry I’m not--”

“Not what?” Don turned back to face him. “Not worth it? But, my god, you are.” Don quickly strode back to Benjo and cupped his face with two hands, “Benjo, can’t you see? You’re important to me.”

Tears filled Benjo’s eyes. He shook them away, but Don’s hands tightened on his face, squishing his cheeks. Don frowned, “No, don’t… Don’t hold back.”

Benjo’s hands crept up to where Don’s are. Don’s face softened for a moment before Benjo took Don’s hands away. They lost contact.

Don looked down, his hand on his eyes, “Benjo, I need you.”

No. Putangina! Benjo screamed in his head. This is not how his night is supposed to go. This is not supposed to happen. Don would be better off without him. Don would be happier without him. Could not he see that? Benjo would only end up hurting him again and again.

Without saying anything, Benjo ran into the night, leaving Don with his hand still covering his own vision.

 


	7. Payback is Sick (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo prends :)) sorry this was quite late for valentine's but hey!! its here!!
> 
> chapter playlist  
> Dancing With Tears In My Eyes, Kesha  
> A Little Pain, Olivia inspi' Reira  
> All I Want, Emma Bale
> 
> love lots,  
> cheya

Letty grinned at Don as she took her place on his arm, “Back then in that coffee shop, when you said you loved him, I never expected it to be this much.”

Don gave back a smile of his own, “Well, let’s see. I didn’t arrange a huge party just to see him again. That plan was you guys. Maybe you guys love him more than I do.”

Asia smacked him at the back, “We did it for you guys! Stop being so dramatic. Plus, it was just a coincidence. I was really planning the party, then this plan to draw out Benjo came out. So, voila!”

Don’s smile turned into a grin, “Yes, Asia,  _ I _ am dramatic.”

Asia rolled her eyes, “Yes, you guys are. Especially Benjo.”

Phil, Mia, and Tomas arrived. They all grinned at Don.

“Uy, good luck!”

Mia clucked her tongue, arms akimbo, her glittering sky blue gown hugged her figure perfectly. “Pag kayo hindi niyo naayos ‘to tonight, pag-uuntugin ko kayo.”

Don nodded, “Noted po.”

The others went ahead until Letty and Don were the ones left at the door.

“You ready to see him?” Asked Letty.

Don shrugged, “As I will ever be. Whatever ‘ready’ even means, right?”

They entered the ballroom. The party is in full swing. The drapes on the walls are alternating black and white. The cloths on the tables and chairs were black.

Red hair flashed in Don’s periphery. There he was. Benjo. He was by the counter of the bar, drinks already lined up for him. His arm was on the counter behind him as he was in a very relaxed position. Don remembered how he looked like this in their couch, with Benjo only in thin sando and boxers.

“Fuck,” Don muttered. Letty giggled as they mingled with the people.

 

* * *

 

“Don! Let’s dance!” Letty said, tugging at him. “Tara, Kuya Don.”

“Haha, hindi ako magaling--”

“Dali, para mapansin ka naman ni labidabs mo.”

Don was bought by that thought. He danced with Letty until the girl had to abandon her shoes by the side of the dancefloor.

He had seen Neo, Mia, Phil, even Faye and Ace. Manuel and Arem are sitting on a couch. Manuel, as always, cheerful and all smiles. Arem was stiff and looks as if he has the urge to throw up, but he said something quick to which Manuel laughed his ass off. Yue stood at the side of the ballroom, gently swaying.

When Letty was too tired to move and wanted to eat, Yssa swayed him away.

“Yo, Don, I’ll be quick. Just want to say something.”

They settled on the dancefloor, gently swaying. Don looked at her expectantly. Yssa broke out into laughter, “Fuck my brother, right?”

Don spluttered, “Yes! I mean, no, but you know, I really would given the circumstances… but yeah… I agree.”

Yssa laughed until her eyes filled with tears. Other people dancing shot them a look. Yssa did not even care, “Well, true, on both counts. Pero kasi, I want you to know that he is being an asshole right now.”

“No shit.”

“But you are, too. Writing all over him like that. He was scared and worried for you, Don.”

“Scared of what?”

Yssa broke away from the hold and crossed her arms over her chest, “Kung ikaw kaya magtanong sa kanya?”

“Okay, Yssa. Will do,” Don gave her a salute.

With Yssa leaving, Asia took his hand and led him in the middle of the dancefloor, swinging both of her arms on his shoulders.

“So, what’s the plan, lover boy?” She asked with a grin.

“Single out and then attack,” Don replied with a laugh.

Asia laughed, “Well, that’s a good plan. I trust you to do that right, okay?”

“Since when did you become team mom?”

Asia smirked, “Well, when my friends started to become idiots in love, that is.”

The song changed to an upbeat one. Neo and Salle joined them, who wanted to show off their sexy moves. Don danced and danced, with Neo, with Salle, with Addie, and even with Cessie.

She laughed as she and Don exited the dancefloor together. “Kuya Don, ang galing mo naman pala sumayaw, eh.”

“Cessie, kanina pa ako sinasayaw. I guess I just got used to it.”

“Over here!” Neo and Mia waved them over. They were the only ones in the table. Cessie kissed Don’s cheek, saying thank you for the dance, and skipped to the desserts, leaving Don to sit by them.

Mia took his hand and cradled it in her palms. Neo groaned, “I don’t think you’re supposed to do that.”

Mia rolled her eyes, “Bakit ba? It adds to the emotional connection we are building here. Not just me, Neo. We.”

Don raised his eyebrows at them.

“Alright,” said Neo. “But if this goes wrong I’m blaming Salle.”

“Blame all you want,” replied Mia who was caressing Don’s hand. A minute passed and nothing happened. “Neo, any moment now,” Mia gritted through her grin.

Neo sighed, “Okay, Don.”

Mia nodded, “Hmm hmm.”

“We asked you to come over because we have something to say to you.”

Mia nodded again, tapping her fingers on Don’s palm.

“And that is, we support you in everything you may wanna do in the future.”

Mia nodded, “Hmm hm--NEO! Napakawalang kuwenta naman. Don’t bullshit.”

“What? I am telling the truth.”

Mia groaned, and gave back Don his hand. She smiled at him, “What Neo was trying to say is that, you really really need to talk to Benjo.”

“I know, everyone’s been saying that.”

“Yeah, this--tonight is really important. It’s like an eclipse, you know?”

Don frowned, “An eclipse?”

“Yes! An eclipse. You know when the sun and the moon collides with each other.”

Neo laughed, “They don’t collide, Mia. They overlap.”

Mia whisked her hair, “Whatever. Anyway, it happens rarely. This night, this is the night where both of you are in the same place at the same time after the day he left. This is huge. We all wouldn’t know when this opportunity could come up again. So, please, talk to him.”

Don looked at Mia’s eyes, “If I were to talk to him, then what should I say.”

“Whatever you want,” piped in Neo. “Whatever’s in your heart.”

 

* * *

 

Don should not be doing this. He was waiting for Benjo to exit the backdoor, staking him out. He does not have any choice though, as he needed to talk to him. The door opened, and Benjo went out, his backpack slung over one shoulder. The smaller man sighed.

It’s showtime.

“Hey,” Don declared as if he was some gang member.

“What’s with me and backdoor alleyways?” Benjo muttered. To Don he said, “Oh, fuck off. You here to beat me up? Guess what? I’m already pretty beat.”

The wind howled. Benjo was facing the door as Don approached him.

“I know,” Don replied, rather quietly. He could hear Benjo’s little gasp as Don stopped directly behind him. Benjo turned around to look up at Don, whose frowning face stared back at him.

“Come home,” is all what Don said, still staring back down at him.

Benjo looked away, “I…”

“Come home,” it was more adamant, this time. Don leaned forward, “Come. Home.”

Benjo looked down, “I don’t… have the keys… anymore.”

Don sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, hoisting his glasses up, “Fine, Benjo, be that way.”

The wind howled colder. Benjo finally looked up at Don, “I couldn’t come home. I don’t… I was never even sure if that was ever home. Was it?”

It was Don’s turn to look away, “I’m sure it is. For me, that is.”

Benjo settled for a smile, “We did have good memories. That’s enough, I guess. For me, it is, you know?”

Don’s eyes turned glassy, “No, I didn’t. Thanks for telling me.”

“Don?”

“You’re not going to come back,” it was not a question, but a statement. A fact.

“No, I’m not.”

“Alright,” sighed Don. “See you around,” he said as he tried to walk away.

Benjo’s reflexes acted better of him and he took Don’s wrist, “Don, I… I’m sorry.”

Don broke away from the hold, “No, you’re not.”

“I am, really, I’m sorry I’m not--”

“Not what?” Don turned back to face him. “Not worth it? But, my god, you are.” Don quickly strode back to Benjo and cupped his face with two hands, “Benjo, can’t you see? You’re important to me.”

Don could see how tears threaten to fall down Benjo’s eyes but Benjo shook them away. Don’s hands tightened, missing the feeling of Benjo in his skin. They may share the same skin, Don is trying to accept that fact now, but it does not compare with holding Benjo with his own two hands. Don frowned, wanting to cry himself. “No, don’t… Don’t hold back.”

Benjo’s hands crept up to where Don’s are. Don’s face softened for a moment before Benjo took Don’s hands away. They lost contact. _ Please, don’t push me away. _

Don looked down, his hand on his eyes, “Benjo, I need you.”

Without saying anything, Benjo ran into the night, leaving Don with his hand still covering his vision. Don was left alone in the dark. He looked up the stars, unwelcome tears fell down his temples.

 

* * *

 

 

Don decided to sleep over at Salle’s place along with Neo. Now, he woke up with the two of them trying to get into his face as he woke up on the couch.

“So?” Asked Neo.

Don pulled away from them, “So… what?”

Salle stood straight up and crossed his arms, “Well, late kang bumalik kagabi. What happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“Weh, Don. You guys talked, diba?”

Don nodded, feeling a little headache from the crying he did last night.

Neo mirrored Salle’s stance, “So, ano nga nangyari.”

Don looked at them, they looked like a power couple in that moment. He shrugged, “It was not a conversation. It was more like one begged and the other did not listen and ran away.”

“Ran away? Who ran away?” Salle asked.

“Benjo did. I asked him to come home. That was what in my heart, what I really wanted. He almost cried and ran away without even saying much. I wouldn’t even call it talking.”

Neo facepalmed, “What did you say to him?”

Salle flinched, “Say to who?”

“To Benjo!” Neo groaned, “You talked to him, I talked to Don. It was what our plan was, right? To urge them in the right way. Then why did Benjo ran away and did not even talk?”

“Maybe what you said to Don made him desperate and he mistakenly overwhelmed Benjo into running away?”

“Salle, sabi ko sa’yo wag ka na mangialam.”

“Nangialam ka rin kagabi, Neo!”

“Dahil lang kasi nangingialam ka! I needed to balance it out, you know. Now, look what happened to our meddling. This is the worst. Ikaw kasi, Salle. Kung hindi mo kasi pinangunahan--”

“Ako? Bakit ako? Ikaw nga diyan parang walang pakialam sa kaibigan--”

“GUYS ANO BA,” Don yelled. He stood up took his bag and left the condo. Don could not fathom why he stormed out like that. I am an idiot, Don thought as he pressed the elevator button for the ground floor. He just could not stand Neo and Salle argue over something that really his fault. He had pushed Benjo too far.

As he exited at the back of the building so he could get to the 7-eleven easier, three people hindered his steps.

“Hello, Don.”

It was Naldo, Jose and Baste.

Baste grinned devilishly, “Rapsa nung yosi na binigay mo last time, ah.”

“Baste, wag ka na nga muna.” Replied Naldo. To Don he said, “Hindi mo man lang ba na-realize? Kasi kami na-realize namin. Sa lahat ng tao, may pinakamalaking paki si Benjo sa’yo. He cares for you, diba?”

Jose stretched his knuckles, “Hindi na siya nagpapakita sa amin. Paano kaya yun? I thought we gonna beat him to a pulp before we let him go.”

Baste shrugged, “And now, here we are. The person Benjo likes to protect the most. Will he come running to us if we lay a finger on you.”

Don gave them a mocking smile, “Just a finger?”

The three men ran up to Don, fists raised.


	8. Wild Things (Pieces Left Behind)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> good evening everyone!!
> 
> chapter playlist:  
> \- wild things, alessia cara  
> \- it will rain, bruno mars
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> love lots,  
> cheya

 

Benjo flinched. He immediately brought his hand up to his cheek, which have become sore all of a sudden. He ran towards the bathroom. He opened the door and faced the mirror. A huge bruise is already forming just below his right eye.

He flinched again. A black eye has already formed on his left. His side stung. Benjo lifted up his shirt. Another bruise, bigger than what he already got on his cheek. He felt that he was pushed by the stomach as Benjo belched in reaction. He could not breathe.

His soulmate must be in trouble. Don is in trouble. Blood dripped from his mouth as his lip split open. Benjo took hold of the sink. He could not move. He could not sense where Don might be, the soulmate bond sadly does not work like that. He could only feel, he could only mirror what Don’s skin looks as of this moment.

Oh, boy, does Don look any good. 

_ All he could think of right now is Don. What happened to him? Who did this? He’s hurt. He’s hurt. He’s hurt… He needs to find him. Now. He needs to get to him.  This is exactly why he wanted to stay away, it’s his fault.  _

His thoughts were interrupted when he saw a message forming in his right arm.  _ Alam mo kung saan mo kami makikita, ulol.  _

Benjo was fuming with rage.  He was about to storm outside but he staggered down and attempted to support himself leaning on the sink. His grip on the counter tightened. For more than half of his life, Benj did everything he could to be strong enough to protect Don. He spent his extra time learning martial arts to defend himself so when something bad happens to Don, he could be able to defend him. His fist clenched so hard it looked like veins were about to pop out from his own flesh. He gritted his teeth and his blood was boiling. Until it hit him. 

_ But he failed to protect him. He failed miserably.  _

Don was still beaten up. His Don. Nobody. Nobody, hurts his Don. 

_ They need to die for this. _

 Limping out of the bathroom, Yssa took hold of his beaten up appearance. She screamed, “PUTANGINA BINUGBOG MO SARILI MO SA LOOB NG CR PAANONG--” Yssa stopped, eyes widening at the realization.

“Oh, shit, that’s how Don looks like right now, doesn’t he?”

Benjo meekly nodded.

“Shit, shit, shit, are they the same fuckers from before?”

Benjo nodded again.

“The ones Don called pathetic?”

“The same ones, Yssa.”

“Tangina, umaaligid pa rin sila? Aba pucha. Pathetic nga talaga, mga walanghiya. Wala bang ibang kayang gawin nung mga ‘yun? Do they even get paid for beating up people for that kind of shallow shit? Nakakaimbyerna na ha.” Yssa closed her eyes to calm herself down. She still screamed in frustration, her attempts at calming herself down obviously did not work. Benjo covered his ears.

Benjo sat on the couch. His breathing became labored. He was looking down, trapping his face with his palms. He was trembling and his chest tightened. 

This time, Yssa stopped and calmed down. She sat beside her brother, “Benjo?”

Benjo’s shoulders hunched up as he let out a shruddering breath. Yssa took Benjo’s hands away from his face and rubbed them together. There were stray tears falling down his cheeks. His face his scrunched up, as if in terrible pain.

Bakit kasi napakawalang kwenta niyang tao? His breathing became more erratic.

For years, Benj grew strong. He made sure of that, yet why is it that nothing seems to have changed?  He can’t even protect his soulmate. He’s hurt. He’s hurt because of him. Why can’t he even do things right? Benj’s hands started to shake uncontrollably. 

“Don…” Benjo murmured, sobbing uncontrollably. “Don, please… Don… Kailangan kong… makita ka…”

More tears fell. Yssa rubbed her brother’s back, “Okay, now breathe with me, please, Benjo. Alright? It will be alright.”

“I’m sorry…” Benj whispered. “Don, I’m sorry…” 

“Benj, please. Hinga. Okay?”  

“D-don...”

“Benj!” Yssa held her brother, gently removed his hands that were covering his face. “Look at me, Benj! Please.” 

Yssa looked at Benj who was still sobbing, “Okay, breathe with me. Alright?” 

Yssa started to breathe deeply from her nose. Benjo tries to copy what his sister is doing. Yssa’s voice went low and soothing enough for Benjo to follow. “Inhale,” she instructed. “Exhale.”

Benjo slowly inhaled and let the air out as calm as he could. They repeated the process until Benjo could see clearly again. Yssa gave out a small smile, “There you go. Is Don still being attacked right now? How’s the bond?”

Benjo closed his eyes, feeling the link that connects one to their soulmates. His reaching out faced nothing but static from the other line, like a television without any signal. Benjo tried again, and again, and again. Nothing from Don, nothing from his one and only soulmate. He could feel his life force, yes, like electricity powering up the static, but it was no longer responsive as if the link froze.

Yssa watched Benjo opened his eyes. She flinched. His eyes were not kind, they were a predator’s in season to catch all the preys he could find in the world. Benjo licked his lips, and stood up, heading for the door.

“Benjo?” Yssa spoke with a shaky voice she did not expect to be.  Following Benjo as he reached for the doorknob, “Teka! Saan ka pupunta?” 

Benjo turned to Yssa, and she froze as her eyes met Benjo’s glowering eyes, his intent to kill was seething from the expression he wore. 

“This needs to stop.” Benjo growled and walked out slamming the door shut. 

In all their years together, Yssa was never afraid when it comes to her brother. 

Until now, that is.

 

* * *

 

  
  


“Uwaa! So big!” Benjo practically twirled around, gazing at the tall ceiling of the National Museum’s Planetarium.

“Stop that,” chastised Don. “We’re going to be late to the showing.”

“Alright, sure.” Replied Benjo, still gazing up.

Don sighed and made his way to the counter without the smaller man, “Benj.”

“Okay, okay! Wait up!” 

Benjo followed Don to the cashier. Don gave out their respective school identification cards to avail the discounts. “For two,” Don said with a straight face.

Benjo smiled up at Don, “You excited?”

“Hmm.”

Benjo’s smile widened, “You’re totally excited.” For a split second he attempted to reach for Don’s cheek, realizing it’s really impossible at this point he decided to poke Don’s side repeatedly. “Right? You’re excited? Right? Right--” Benjo’s childish blabbering stopped when he felt Don’s hand on top of his head, emphasizing the huge height difference. Benjo noticed a smug grin on Don’s face, his eyebrows rose. 

“ANG MEAN MO, DON! SO MEAN!”

Don shrugged, “Let’s go. We’ll be late now, for sure.”

They were the only ones inside the planetarium. Don chose the two seats in the middle. The show started as soon as they sat down. Benjo grinned, “We weren’t late.”

“Almost,” replied Don.

“Aww, don’t be like that.”

Don rolled his eyes, “Manood ka na nga lang!”

Planets and stars went past them as the Train song “Drops of Jupiter” played in the background. Don had a small smile playing upon his lips. Brightened up and brave enough, Benjo placed his palm on top of Don’s hand. Don did not flinch. Don did not remove his hand. Don’s hand did not even move an inch.

Benjo was giddy as they exited the planetarium. His palm that was on Don’s hand for the remainder of the show was still warm. He pocketed said hand, maybe to preserve the heat or to maybe preserve Don’s DNA or maybe even both. Benj whistled casually, “Saan na tayo?”  

“What do you want to eat?” Don asked as they walked down the street.

“I really, really want chocolates and potato chips!” Chirped Benjo, grinning widely.

Don frowned, “A meal, Benj, we haven’t even had lunch. It’s already afternoon.”

“But Don…”

“A meal,” Don said with a final tone.

Benjo pouted.

Don sighed, “Fine, we can get chocolates and potato chips, but after eating a meal. Is that alright for you?”

Benjo almost shined at that.

They ended up at the nearby Wendy’s. Don and Benjo got themselves fries and burgers. Benjo chowed down his burger while Don looked at him expectantly. 

“Whuuut?” Benj asked, his mouth was full. 

“Dahan-dahan. Mabubulunan ka.” 

“Ay! Concerned ka?” Benj gulped down and flashed a wide smile. “Concerned ka sa akin? Cute mo, Don.” 

“Just eat, slowly. If you got an acid reflux mamaya, bahala ka ha. I have meds in my bag, pero bahala ka ha.” Don warned, and looked away. His cheeks had turned a very light shade of pink, “Thanks, Don!”

Don gave him a shrug and took a bite in his burger. Benjo grinned, stuffing soggy fries in his mouth.

 

* * *

 

Benjo turned around the alleyway. They were really there, waiting for him. He had dropped them a mysterious call from a telephone booth a week ago, for them to wait for him for a final showdown. 

Upon seeing Benjo, Naldo grinned darkly, “FINALLY, THERE HE IS.”

“WELCOME BACK, BRO!” Baste greeted mockingly.

Jose clapped Naldo’s back, “See! Sabi ko sa’yo beating up that glasses kid would lure this one out. TOOK YOU A FUCKING WEEK, THOUGH.”

Benjo hissed. The trio laughed.

“You,” Benjo started. “That was low hanging fruit, even for you guys.”

Naldo rolled his eyes, “Spare me your taunts, Benjo. We’ve got you know. Do you know how we tortured your poor glasses boy? Well, you would know, wouldn’t ya?”

Baste laughed some more, “You are his soulmate? That guy? I guess that was a goldmine we struck there. Lucky!”

Benjo froze. He could not concentrate well as he could just imagine how Don must have felt. As much as Benjo is still sporting Don’s injuries, he would not have felt the intensity of it all.

“Let’s make him feel what his soulmate have felt, hmm?” Naldo licked his lips, stretching his knuckles. Benjo looked up at them, silent, eyes blazing.

Baste approached Benjo, fists clenched. He smiled wickedly, “We’ll show you how much we made him suffer just so we could see your sorry face lose to us.”

With that, Baste punched Benjo on his stomach, twisting his fist in the process so the skin bruised for sure, in the exact same place where Benjo felt a sting earlier.

Benjo almost threw up. He coughed, stumbling backwards. Baste gained ground on him. Benjo let out a frustrated yell, throwing a punch, but it only hit air. Baste punched him in the same exact spot.

Benjo coughed up blood this time. He used the back of his palm to wipe the blood off. Benjo grimaced, “PUTANGINA. ‘YAN LANG BA KAYA MO?”

Baste gave him back a smile, “Tarantado ka!” He threw a punch with Benjo blocking it off with an arm. He punched again and again, all of which Benjo was able to block or to deflect with his arms. Said arms would bruise for sure, but at least it would leave his face unscatched. He would hate for Don to worry about face bruises.

Oh. Don would not worry anymore about any bruise Benjo would ever have ever again. Don would not patch him up at the end of the day any longer. Don was already gone.

Benjo stumbled. Baste was able to get a clean punch in. Benjo felt his left eye clumped shut as pain filled his vision. Baste punched the other eye, then his jaw, his cheek, until he lost his balance, falling down against concrete, hard.

Naldo and Jose walked over to where Benjo fell. They started to kick him. They laughed as Naldo stepped on his chest, “Putangina mo.”

Benjo held back laughter, he really tried, but still ended up laughing as well. Jose kicked his side, “What the fuck you laughing at?”

Benjo continued laughing as his eyesight became limited. If only this pain could best the pain he was already feeling. If only all the punched could ever replace the hurt of leaving Don, letting Don be hurt.

_ This? _ Benjo yelled in his head. _ This is just my punishment for hurting Don. _

After a few minutes of continuous kicking, they finally stopped. Benjo was smiling. Naldo spat on him, “Smiling through it all? Fuck you. Don’t tell me you actually liked it. You’re disgusting.”

Baste grinned, “We won, you fucker. You’re nothing to us now.”

Jose snickered beside him, “Well, see you never, bastard!”

The trio walked away, and just like that, the years of beating up and bullying came to an end for Benjo. As if he could care anymore, as his world has already stopped that night after Asia’s party.

After what seems like forever, footsteps sounded near Benjo. He tried to move, expecting more kicking, but he could only let out a moan.

A figure crouched down by him, “Can you even look at me, you brat?”

“Fuck you, Salle. What the hell are you doing here?”

Salle’s figure shrugged, “Can say the same thing about you. Our Mappy was in terrible pain. We had to put a stop to that. This is why I came to fucking pick you up.”

Blood bubbled up Benjo’s throat, “D… Duck you.”

Salle let out a chuckle, “No more of this, ya hear? Let’s go.”

“You wish, ducker.”


	9. Lies That You Caught Me In (Cold Water)

Salle opened the door of Don’s apartment, turning the key with one hand. It swung open to a rectangular darkness. Neo pushed the lights on. Don was in between them, both Salle and Neo assisting their friend with walking. They all heades straight for the bed. Once Don was settled, Salle placed their bags on the floor next to the bed.

“That was one heck of a week,” Salle commented, beaming at Neo.

Neo crossed his arms over his chest, “At least the doctors let Don leave the hospital already. His hospital room was too crampy for him, and for all of us.” He turned to Salle, “You kept on making me your pillow.”

“Eh? We’re soulmates for fuck’s sake.” To Don he said, “There’s nothing wrong with that, right, Mappy?”

Don looked at them both and smiled, “Who cares? Both of you always end up cuddling in the morning.”

Neo and Salle went red, both looking away in opposite directions.

Salle took two chairs from the dining table. They sat beside each other near the bed, with Salle’s arm resting at Neo’s backrest.

“So, how are you, Don?” Asked Neo while his eyes glued at the screen of his phone. Salle chuckled, “How is he? Neo, are you okay with human interaction? We totally spent the whole week clothing and feeding Mappy at the hospital. Then you ask him how is he?”

Neo shrugged, “At least I’m trying.”

Don laughed, “Neo, I’m fine. Just a broken arm, a broken leg, bruises here and there. Nothing much that couldn’t be in a teleserye.”

Before either Salle or Neo could reply, Don had to take in a sharp breath. His breathing quickened, and he had to get hold of the sheets.

“Benjo,” he whispered, clutching his stomach.

Salle and Neo jumped up and approached Don, who started breathing erratically. Don coughed, and clutched his abdomen once again, biting his lip hard.

Don felt like he was going to throw up.

“Putangina,” breathed Salle. “Mappy, this isn’t you, is it?”

Don quickly shook his head, “Si Benjo… Someone’s gotta help him.”

“What’s happening?” Asked Neo.

“He,” Don panted. “He was being attacked all at one. Many of them.” He lifted up his left sleeve with his plastered right, exposing the bruises forming on his lower arm. Don looked at them. He hated Benjo getting bruises, he had always been worrying over every single mark he had ever gotten from his soulmate.

Oh, Don could not express his worry anymore about any bruise Benjo would ever have ever again. Don would not be able to take care of him and patch him up at the end of the day anymore. Benjo was already gone.

Don looked up and saw Neo’s concerned face. Don frowned, “Where’s Salle.”

“He stormed out, cursing. You were spacing out, Don. You should take it easy. How’s Benjo?”

Don sighed and flinched, “It’s mild, but I can still feel it. They’re… kicking him, punching him, everywhere.” A bruise appeared near Don’s chin.

Neo looked back at the screen of his phone, tapping wildly.

“Neo?” Don asked.

“Wait,” Neo said. He placed the phone against his ear, “Yssa? Salle might contact you really soon about Benjo.” Neo hummed, looking at Don. “Yes, Don’s here with me. He’s in pain as well. Yes, Yssa, this is noted. Okay. Take care, bye.”

Neo tapped a few and the phone went back against his ear, “Letty. Yes, thank you for answering my call. This is Neo. Yes? Please. Don is here with me in the apartment but I might leave soon to meet up with Salle. Is it okay if you can cover our asses for a bit and assist Don with anything he may need? Yes, please. Thank you so much, Letty. I feel like I’m in debt. No? Still, this is huge. Thank you again. See you.”

Neo dropped the call and pocketed his cell.

Don smiled despite all the pinching pain against his sides, “I thought you didn’t want to intervene?”

Neo went all red, “Of course this is a different case. I just couldn’t stand idly by as my friends gets beat up by useless assholes roaming alleyways like rodents.”

Letty arrives exactly an hour later, bringing a takeout from Starbucks. She sat on the chair Salle vacated, and handed Neo a cup of coffee. Neo passed the brown paper bag to Don, who opened it and found a cookie.

Don brought the cookie to his mouth and took a bite, “Thanks, Leticia, as always.”

Letty pouted, “Kuya Don, please ‘wag mo kong tawaging Leticia.”

“Why not? It suits you.”

Letty blushed as she took a bite from her own cookie, “Kuya Don, nakakahiya.”

Don chuckled, “Whatever. Still calling you that, Leticia.”

Letty groaned. Neo gave her a tight-lipped smile. The trio was silent, eating and drinking.

“I am assuming it stopped,” commented Neo after a few minutes.

Don nodded solemnly. Neo nodded back, “I hope it stopped for good.”

Don sighed, “I hope so too, Neo.”

Letty looked in between them, “What happened po ba? All I knew was those bullies who kept on trailing after Benjo went after Kuya Don and beat him him, resulting in all of this.”

Don frowned, “Is that the extent of what everyone knows?”

Letty nodded, “Opo. No one else knows about anything else.”

“I see,” Don muttered. “Benjo and I are soulmates, Letty. When I was beaten up by those guys, it might have alerted him. It was easy. My bruises would’ve showed themselves on his skin. He would’ve flinched every time I was punched and kicked.”

“Okay,” said Letty. “But what was all the fuss with Salle and Benjo?”

“Right,” said Neo. “Now, our Don here was flinching earlier today and his skin formed more bruises that he already has. We assume they found Benjo and they beat him up, as well.”

“That,” continued Don. “Or Benjo decided to take revenge and looked for them.”

* * *

 

Letty swept the floor as silent as she could, afraid to wake up the (finally) sleeping Don. His breathing was much more steady now as it was before he slept, Letty had noticed. He has been sleeping for almost two hours, and they have been quiet and tried to go about the apartment as silent as they could. Neo stood up from his chair, taking his phone and wallet from his back and pocketed them.

Neo looked at her, “Letty, I’ll be back later this evening.”

“Okay,” Letty whispered. “Did Salle find him yet?”

“Not yet,” whispered back Neo. “But he said he’s close. That’s why I’m heading over to Yssa’s so we could get more help, probably bring Benjo to the hospital. Probably deal with those bullies once and for all.”

Letty grinned, “I know, Kuya Don. It’s just that I was supposed to be here and I hated to do nothing and the place looked like it begged for a little bit of cleaning. All the shelves are half empty and already gathering dust so I decided to clean.”

Don smiled, “Thanks. They used to be ful, you know.”

Letty nodded, “They really did a number on them, didn’t they?”

Neo sighed, “For far too long.”

With that, Neo left, the door shutting behind him. The noise woke Don up, who sprung into a sitting position. Letty quickly went over to him, “Slowly, Kuya Don. Please lay back down.”

Don did as told, almost pouting.

“Neo just left.”

“Oh,” said Don, voice raspy. He cleared his throat, “Did Salle find him yet?”

Still holding the broom, Letty shook her head.

Don frowned, “What are you doing? Are you cleaning? There’s no need for that, you know.”

“Huh?”

“The shelves, I mean. They used to be full.”

“What happened?”

Don laughed humorlessly, “Benjo left.”

Letty’s mouth formed an ‘o’. She smiled sadly up at Don, “I thought it would be much simpler that this, Kuya Don. I really believed that you would just confess to him, and he would confess back, and the two of you would be really happy and I--”

Tears formed in her eyes, she shook them off and looked away.

“Letty?”

“Yes?”

“Look at me, please.”

Letty looked back at Don, tears fell from her eyes. She smiled, “I just… adored you so much, Kuya Don. I never expected this would happen to you. I hate this. I hate it when you get hurt. I couldn’t blame Benjo but still… I hate it.”

Don nodded, “I understand, Letty. I accept it.”

Letty’s eyes widened. She looked down, and then nodded. They stayed like that for a few moments, with Don looking at her and Letty’s eyes downcast.

“You love him so much,” Letty said, breaking the silence.

“Of course I do,” Don replied almost immediately.

Before Letty could answer, her phone rang.

She answered the phone, “Yes? Letty here. Wait let me put you on speaker.”

She took the phone from her ear and turned it into loudspeaker. It was Salle.

“Hey, guys, can you hear me?”

“Yes,” both Don and Letty replied.

“Good, ‘cause I’ve found him. Benjo. I’m waiting for the ambulance Neo called. He’s unconscious, and it doesn’t look good.”

 

* * *

 

Two weeks have passed. Don still have trouble walking and going around because of his cemented leg and arm. His bruises were mostly gone though, and the pain only comes and goes. It was hell for him through the bond. He could feel the sting from injections on Benjo’s skin for a few days after he was brought to the hospital. Salle made sure to update Don about it all, unbeknownst to Benjo.

A knock on the door broke the silence. Both Letty and Don moved to react to the knock, but Letty was the one who stood up.

“Ako na, kuya.” She said, turning off the game she was playing on her phone and walking towards the door. She opened the door mid-knock.

Don heard Letty’s sharp intake of breath. She started to stutter, “Ah--eh, si… si Kuya Don ba? He… he’s here naman but… Eh…”

Ah, Don thought. Finally, it must be him.

“Sino, Leticia?” Don asked, just for clarity.

“It’s me,” Benjo almost whispered.

Benjo walked inside the apartment -- their apartment -- looking anywhere but at Don. He has bandages wrapped around his head and both of his arms.

“Kuya Don, Benjo, maiwan ko muna kayo ha. I’ll just buy food for us downstairs! I’ll be right back!” With that, the door closed, and Don and Benjo shared space once again.

Benjo looked up at Don who just blinked at him.

“You…” Started Benjo. “You look flushed.”

Benjo’s insticts moved fast and he was touching Don’s forehead, and then the side of Don’s neck. Benjo frowned, “That Letty… Does she even know you have this high of a fever?”

Don just looked back at Benjo, saying nothing at all. Benjo sighed and smiled sadly. as if accepting defeat to make Don speak. He then went to the kitchenette and started to boil water as if he had never even left the place.

After the water boiled, Benjo took a small basin and mixed tap water with the warm water, making it lukewarm enough. He also took a towel from his bag and dipped it in the water. A few squeezes after, Benjo approached Don with the towel. Without saying any word, he pressed the towel on the bespectacled man’s forehead.

Benjo sighed, “Why didn’t you tell Letty you were having a fever? She could’ve helped, knowing her.”

Don shook his head, still saying nothing.

“Oh, come on, Don. You’re better than this. Were you waiting for me?”

Don closed his eyes for a few seconds before removing Benjo’s hand and the towel from his forehead.

“Don?”

“Enough.”

“Don, what--”

“I said, enough. You’re not… I wasn’t waiting for you at all. Why are you even here in the first place?”

Don knew his words stung, especially Benjo physically flinched.

Benjo started to wring the towel with his hands, “I realized that--”

“Save it. Leave, Benjo.”

“Leave? You’re sick! I can’t just leave you alone!”

“I don’t need your help anymore. I have friends who stayed when you were gone.”

“Don, I--”

“Leave, Benjo. We’e done. That’s what you wanted, right? You even left. What am I supposed to make of that?”

“Please, I--”

Don look at Benjo with faked distaste, “Go. I apologie for holding on to nothing for so long. I should’ve let you be when you left in the first place. Sorry for being insensitive.”

Tears flowing freely down his cheeks, Benjo quickly took his things and ran for the door. Letty opened it the same time Benjo did. The latter ran away, sobbing.

“Kuya Don! Ano ginawa mo?”

“What I should’ve done from the start. What he wanted from the beginning.”

“Sure ka ba diyan, Kuya Don?”

Don fought hard not to cry himself, “I don’t know, Letty, I don’t know.”


	10. Paying For It (Yellow)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello guys :3 another chapter!! enjoy as always and leave me comments and kudos below! they mean so much to me :3
> 
> chapter playlist:  
> yellow, coldplay  
> man on a wire, the script  
> i am a firefighter, cigarettes after sex

Benjo knocked. Once. He exhaled.

Would he actually answer the door?

This is the apartment they once shared. A place where Benjo called home whenever he said, “I’m going home.” 

He knocked again, and this time, the door surely swung open. He was not even surprised that it was Letty who opened the door. They might as well be an item, she and Don, for all Benjo knows.

Upon seeing Benjo, Letty  started to stutter, “Ah--eh, si… si Kuya Don ba? He… he’s here naman but… Eh…”

“Sino, Leticia?” A voice asked from the inside of the apartment, most likely from the bed. It was Don, of course. He and Letty alone inside the room. What were they doing?

“It’s me,” Benjo said, trying hard to ignore the knot forming in his throat.

Benjo walked inside the apartment -- their apartment, once, a long time ago -- looking anywhere but at Don.

Letty started to speak, making Benjo almost jump. “Kuya Don, Benjo, maiwan ko muna kayo ha. I’ll just buy food for us downstairs! I’ll be right back!” With that, the door closed, and Don and Benjo shared space once again.

Benjo looked up at Don who just blinked at him, with face beet red. He does not look like blushing though.

“You…” Started Benjo. “You look flushed.”

Benjo threw away everything his brain tells him through the window and reached out and touched Don’s forehead, down to the side of his neck.

This is embarrassing and scary. Benjo was scared about how Don would react, but he has a very high fever. Benjo needed to do something, anything, for Don to be relieved of the pain he must be feeling. He frowned, “That Letty… Does she even know you have this high of a fever?”

Don just looked back at Benjo, saying nothing at all. Benjo sighed and smiled sadly. as if accepting defeat to make Don speak. He then went to the kitchenette and started to boil water as if he had never even left the place.

After the water boiled, Benjo took a small basin and mixed tap water with the warm water, making it lukewarm enough. He also took a towel from his bag and dipped it in the water. A few squeezes after, Benjo approached Don with the towel. Without saying any word, he pressed the towel on the bespectacled man’s forehead.

Benjo sighed, “Why didn’t you tell Letty you were having a fever? She could’ve helped, knowing her.”

No, Benjo wanted to say. She wouldn’t know what to do. It should be me.

Don shook his head, still saying nothing.

He decided to lighten up the mood as Don continued to stare heavily at him, “Oh, come on, Don. You’re better than this. Were you waiting for me?”

Don closed his eyes for a few seconds before removing Benjo’s hand and the towel from his forehead.

What? “Don?”

“Enough.”

Benjo could not understand why Don would do this. “Don, what--”

“I said, enough. You’re not… I wasn’t waiting for you at all. Why are you even here in the first place?”

Benjo flinched and tried to calm himself. He should not cry. He must not cry. Benjo started to wring the towel with his hands, “I realized that--” that I love you and could not live without you.

“Save it. Leave, Benjo.”

I realized that I love you and could not live without you.

But what he was able to say was, “Leave? You’re sick! I can’t just leave you alone!”

“I don’t need your help anymore. I have friends who stayed when you were gone.”

No, no, this was not supposed to happen. “Don, I--”

I never wanted to leave in the first place.

“Leave, Benjo. We’e done. That’s what you wanted, right? You even left. What am I supposed to make of that?”

“Please, I--”

I love you, Don. 

Don look at Benjo with much disgust it made Benjo’s stomach churn, “Go. I apologize for holding onto nothing for so long. I should’ve let you be when you left in the first place. Sorry for being insensitive.”

Tears flowing freely down his cheeks, Benjo quickly took his things and ran for the door. Letty opened it the same time Benjo did.

Benjo ran towards the elevator, sobbing uncontrollably.

He hates me. Don hates me so much.

Benjo still sobbed on the way back to Yssa’s, sobbed on the bus, on the jeepney, sobbed as he walked, tears blurring his vision of the pavement, but as he stepped in front of his sister’s door, he wiped all the tears away and smiled as he knocked.

Heh. What a faker.

Yssa opened the door immediately, brows furrowed and etched with worry.

“GAGO SAAN KA BA NANGGALING? KANINA PA KITA TINETEXT HA HINDI KA NAGREREPLY GAGO KA TALAGA HINDI KA PA NGA MAGALING EH”

Benjo’s smile grew wider as he scratched the back of his head, “Ah, wala. Napadaan lang ako kina Don at Letty.”

Yssa’s eyes widened, “PUTA? ANO? KUMUSTA?”

Benjo shrugged, “I guess okay naman.”

“OKAY NAMAN? PAANONG OKAY NAMAN?”

“He said he wants to end it all.”

Yssa’s mouth formed an ‘o’ and was about to speak when Benjo’s laughter stopped her. Benjo just shrugged again, “That’s fine. It was what I wanted in the first place anyway, right?”

Yssa’s frown deepened, “Right.”

“Anyway, my dear sister, let’s eat out? My treat.”

Benjo knew Yssa knew it was all a farce. She tagged along with him, though, which was what Benjo wanted more than anything in this world as of that moment.

* * *

“Miss, saan po tayo?” Benjo asked as he shifted gears, smiling at his passenger who scowled back to him, crossing her arms.

“Benjo, ano ba. Parang hindi mo ko kilala.”

Benjo laughed, “Yeah, yeah, I know, but still. You pay me for this, Asia.”

Asia rolled her eyes on him, “Hell yeah, I pay you for this. So, I pay you not to call me miss. You make it seem like I’m old or something.”

“Hindi naman, ah. I am sure the staff inside the stores would call you that too.”

The staff inside Greenbelt 1 did not call her “miss”, Benjo noticed as they entered every store. They all called her “Madam Asia.”

Benjo could not help but snort with, “Madam? Diba mas pang matanda ‘yun?”

She smacked him, with Benjo almost losing grip to the many bags he was already holding.

Asia left one of the stores with Benjo carrying three paper bags. Three paper bags became four, then seven, then ten.

Sweating, Benjo huffed after Asia who was humming and choosing a new skirt upon the six skirts she already bought.

“Asia?”

“Yes, Benjo?”

“Why do people have only two hands?”

Despite herself, Asia laughed. “I pay you to have a third and a fourth, Benjo.”

As Asia made her purchase and they left the mall, a boy looking at his phone almost collided with Benjo and the twelve paper bags he was holding. He almost fell with the weight of his cargo. Benjo bared his teeth, “PUTANGINA MO KAKA-CELLPHONE MO MATUTUMBA PA AKO DAHIL SA’YO PUTA KA”

The boy turned around and flipped Benjo off, then going back to walking away from them. He turned back to Asia and sighed, “I’m sorry.”

“No need to be. But are you okay? You look pale.”

Benjo smiled and held the bags higher, walking ahead towards Asia’s car, “I’m fine.”

* * *

  
Somehow, Benjo found himself squished between Mia and Tomas as they sat on a couch at Mama V’s, drinks on hand. Mia took a swig from her Smirnoff Mule and smirked at Benjo.

“Musta?”

Benjo took a long swig from his 1.2L bottle of Red Horse, swaying with the beat. He laughed, “I am toooootallyyyyy finnneeee. Thank you.”

Tomas snorts.

“So,” Benjo smiled. “Where’s your boyfriend?” Pointing to the both of them, his hand going left and right, back and forth from Mia to Tomas and back again.

Both of them blushed deep red, spluttering. Benjo laughed harder to the point that he was barely breathing. Mia and Tomas looked at him with worry.

It was not long until Benjo’s extended laughter converted into coughs. Phil made his way to their booth, holding tokens for the Karaoke.

Phil grinned at the trio, “Uy, Benjo, okay ka lang?”

Both Mia and Tomas shook their heads beside an oblivious Benjo. Phil took the microphone and thrusted it against Benjo’s chest, “Sing it!”

Benjo laughed, “HALA BAKIT AKO?”

Mia smiled, “Diba ikaw ‘yung lasing diyan?”

Tomas chuckled as Benjo stood up and grabbed the songbook from the middle of the table. Phil took Benjo’s spot, sitting in between Mia and Tomas.

After some page flipping, Benjo entered the numbers.

The music starts and Benjo swayed to the music. He started to sing.

 

_ Look at the stars, _

_ Look how they shine for you, _

_ And everything you do, _

_ Yeah, they were all yellow _

 

Benjo closed his eyes and spun.

 

_ I came along, _

_ I wrote a song for you, _

_ And all the things you do, _

_ And it was called "Yellow". _

 

He took his beer and took a long swig, missing some of the song’s lines. After he took a step back from being too drunk, he went back to singing.

 

_ Your skin, _

_ Oh yeah your skin and bones, _

_ Turn into something beautiful, _

_ Do you know, _

_ You know I love you so, _

_ You know I love you so. _

 

Benjo burped, “HAHAHA. Don, why?”

* * *

He was running late.

Benjo cursed as he bumped to another person on his way to Jollibee. He then almost tripped on someone’s foot, and he kept on saying sorry to the passerby. The sun was about to set, and upon reaching his destination, he was already catching his breath.

Letty gave him a smile as he entered the fast food place. She has already ordered for the both of them, and Benjo would be lying of he said he did not salivate at the sight of Chickenjoy.

“Hey,” was all Letty said when Benjo sat across her.

Benjo gave her a curt nod. Letty started to move the straw of her pineapple juice in a counterclockwise motion, “So, you wanted to talk to me?”

Benjo picked up his chicken leg and took a bite, a spoonful of gravy-covered rice followed soon after. Letty waited for Benjo to chew and swallow.

“How’s Don?” Benjo asked as he swallowed the last bit.

Letty smiled sadly, “Coping, just as you do.”

Don’s rare smiles entered Benjo’s mind. His stomach felt queasy. He took another bite.

“He’s not happy,” Letty continued. “Just as you aren’t.”

Benjo almost spluttered the Coke he was drinking, “Wha--what? Who said I am not happy? I’m glad we ended, Letty. It’s good for Don.”

Letty frowned, “You don’t even know what you’re saying.”

“Well, anyway, he already has you, Letty. He could be really happy with you.”

Letty sighed, “Benjo, you don’t understand--”

“I do, Letty. I understand so much, to the point that I get how Don doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. He said it, you know. He made me leave that apartment.”

“But what about you then? You left him first.”

Benjo remembered the night of Asia’s party, with Don almost pleading him to come home. His face covered with his palms.

“I--”

Letty smiled sadly, “See? Don just  doesn’t understand either, why you left like that, you know. He’s been confused this whole time.”

“I coudn’t stay. Not when I have this huge feelings for him and he has none for me.”

“You can’t assume that, you know.”

“I can,” Benjo said, finishing the last of his chicken. “Because I know the two of you are together. Don’t deny it, Letty. I saw the two of you together in that coffee shop.”

Letty’s eyes went wide, “What? No. Benjo, you seriously need to talk to Don. It is not my place to say anything, but what can I say is that, we aren’t together at all. Why would I bother to speak to you like this if we are? I would’ve let you guys go separate ways, it would’ve favored me. But no, because we are not together. He’s never seen me that way, and never will.”

Letty stood up, her food almost untouched. “If you could excuse me, Benjo, I need to go back to your apartment and help Don, something you should’ve been doing all this time.”

Benjo ran towards the bathroom as Letty leaves, emptying his stomach.

* * *

“Benjo?”

“Salle.”

“Parang pumapayat ka.”

It has been a week ever since that dinner he had with Letty, and a day after the doctor said he was almost back to normal. Salle was running on a treadmill. Benjo was still walking on his. Salle huffed, his leg muscles clenching. He ran at full speed for thirty seconds, before gradually slowing down. Benjo was now brisk walking.

“Bro, are you eating?” Salle tried, again.

Benjo laughed, “Of course, of course. I’ve eaten plenty.”

“Like?”

“Why are you so engrossed with my diet?”

Salle chuckled, “Can’t a friend worry?”

Benjo tried not to acknowledge the blush across his cheeks. He started to run, “We’re… we’re not even friends, Salle.”

“Tell that to youself. Remember, I was the one who saved your ass. You’re welcome.”

Benjo rolled his eyes and tried to run faster, but his blurring sight defeated him. Salle came to a stop, leapt off his treadmill and looked at Benjo closely.

Salle shook his head, “Kayo talaga, parang mga tanga.”

After ten seconds of running, Benjo stopped into a walk, trying to catch his breath roughly. Salle rolled his eyes, “Pare, namumutla ka. Para kang zombie. Panget mo.”

Benjo pointed at Salle as he stepped off the treadmill, “Mas panget ka!”

“At least hindi na ako tanga.”

“Tanga ka pa rin!”

Faye and Ace walked by as they bicker. Faye giggled, “Glad you’re back, Benjo.”

“Not yet,” replied Salle instead. “Not until maayos niya ‘yang mga problema niya. Para kasing mga tanga. Nakakaputa na kayo ni Mappy ha. Parang mga gago.”

“Hindi kaya!” Denied Benjo, “Kala mo kung sino makapagsalita, parang siya never naging gago.”

“Not as gago as you, boi.”

Benjo was about to reply when his phone started ringing. He fished it out of his pocket and answered, “Ano?”

“ABA PUTANGINA MO, BENJO.”

“YSSA?”

“KALA MO HINDI KO MALALAMAN ‘YANG PINAGGAGAWA MO?”

“Huh?”

“Ilang part time meron ka ngayon?”

“Tatlo.”

“SURE KA?”

“Well, nag-aapply pa lang naman ako sa pang-apat so… there’s that.”

“UMUWI KA NA."

* * *

Benjo really did went home immediately, with Salle snickering as he left. His parting words were, “Pare, ‘wag na kasi maging tanga. Just fucking make up with him.”

Benjo replied with, “Salle, there is nothing to make up for.”

Now, he was at Yssa’s, sitting on the couch, with Yssa pacing back and forth in front of him. She sighed, “Have you been eating at least?”

Benjo shook his head. There was no point, really, in lying to his own sister.

“Have you been sleeping well?”

Benjo shook his head again.

“Benjo, please talk to me.”

“What could I do? I could not hurt myself. If I get hurt, Don will know. I don’t want to bother Don with his life anymore.”

“I… I don’t deserve any of this. To live. To be cared for like this.”

“No, Benjo.”

“I don’t deserve Don one bit.”

Yssa’s expression softened, “You know, brother, that’s for us to decide. The people around you would be, and should be, the one who could say whether or not you deserve what we gave you, been giving you, and willing to give you. It’s ours to give, and I, for one, think you’re worthy of it all. The only way you’ll know if you deserve Don is ask him. Ask Don if he thinks you’re worth it.”

“No, I can’t do that anymore. I have no face to show him--”

“Look at me, Benjo.”

Benjo looked at his sister. She smiled, “I vouch that Don thinks you’re worth it.”

Don?

Tears fell unceremoniously down Benjo’s cheeks. What would Don say about him now?

Probably nothing good. 

Probably nothing at all. He left him, and now Benjo is paying for it.


	11. Unwell (Through the Night)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, i wanted to thank everyone who left a comment or a kudos, and the rest who stuck with me all these chapters with these baby bois :) their love is so beautiful and they're so beautiful too so... :3
> 
> chapter playlist  
> -unwell, matchbox twenty  
> -kathang isip, ben&ben

Connecting…

A scowling woman appeared in the expanse of Don’s laptop screen. She had her arms over her chest. Her usual blue and white jacket discarded somewhere (in frustration, most likely), leaving her with her navy blue tank top. The lighting was bright, and Don could see how much hair have strayed from her ponytail.

Don could not help but chuckle, “Yssa, are you okay?”

Yssa scowled harder. Don chuckled louder.

“Shut up, you red bird. I am steaming mad at that boy. You’re a miracle in this world, Don Tomas Mapua. You really are.”

“Thanks, I know, but what?”

Yssa sighed, “It’s Benjo.”

“No shit.”

“I mean, you’re a miracle you were able to put up with my asshole of a brother. You lived with him, ate with him, and who knows whatever that you two already did. That’s just a feat, you know? I just realized that, because I could not even tolerate his existence right now.”

“He isn’t an asshole.”

Yssa snorted, “Right.”

Don mimicked Yssa’s stance, folding his arms across his chest. He smiled, “It is true. Benjo is just… Benjo sometimes. You know? He’s a ball of nerves and guts all meshed together.”

“No, Don. You don’t know what’s happening to him, or what’s he doing to himself as we speak.”

“Enlighten me, then.”

Yssa took a long breath and focused her stare at the camera, “Okay. Let’s see. He applied to these… jobs.”

“How many?”

“Four.”

Don shook his head, “He got them all, right?”

Yssa nodded solemnly, “They were all part times, but seriously, there were four of them and he is literally a walking zombie. I hate it, Don, I really hate it with this strong passion, putangina.”

Don sighed, “I knew this would happen.”

“And you did nothing.”

“As if I could do something, Yssa.”

Yssa hummed, “Point taken. I just… I understand why you let him go, you know.”

“It was not like that. I… did not let him go just because of that.”

“Because of what then?”

Don shook his head, “That was what he wanted, Yssa. I just… decided to finally give it to him. He was the one who left in the first place. I was the one who clung to him. I don’t want to pull him down anymore. When he left, I should’ve understand what he wanted, I should’ve let him go right then and there.”

“So, you’re saying…”

“We’re gone not because of him, it’s because of whatever I did, whoever I may be in his eyes.”

“You know that’s a lot of bullcrap, right?”

Don chuckled, “Maybe.”

“Anyway, Don, I will still try to talk some sense into that brother of mine. I ain’t done talking about it all with him yet. Talk to you later?”

“Later.”

Yssa ended the call, and Don closed the lid of his laptop with a sigh.

He wanted to scream “I told you so” against the mirror and then punch it until the mirror breaks and his hands bleed, but instead he just pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Benjo was up to no good. He then chuckled to himself. As if he was doing any better. The apartment was cluttered from floor to ceiling. Empty bags of chips scattered on the floor. There were some empty bottles of beer too.

Don pats his belly as he ordered Jollibee on the phone, getting two pieces of chicken, an order of spaghetti, extra large fries, and a sundae. He had been overeating because of stress, he knew that. Not only because of his academics, he does not have a problem that he gets uno here and there, but because of one Benjo.

The Jollibee staff confirmed his order and Don felt his heart getting heavier. He sighed once again. He opened one of his textbooks, landing on the topic about the strength of materials. Don wished he would have enough strength too.

* * *

The next day, Don had his thesismates over. That included that he actually needs to clean the place. That he did, and he felt he could breathe a little bit after that. They were huddled over pieces of metal they were supposed to cut in small rectangles. Don adjusted te goggles he was wearing over his eyeglasses. He held the metal with both of his gloved hands.

“Hindi kasi ganyan,” said one of his thesismates, the only girl in the group. She took the metal sheet from Don and held it vertically instead of the horizontal way Don was holding the sheet a moment ago.

They started to cut it in half from the top. It ended up a failure, as one side was wider than the other by an inch. The girl fumed and rolled her eyes, “Sige, kayo na nga bahala.” She decided to walk around the apartment instead, looking over Don’s belongings placed on his shelves.

Don shook his head and took another metal sheet, holding it horizontally just like the first time he held it. Kyle, one of his thesismates, started to cut along the pencil lines. After a few seconds and the buzzing of the machine they were using, the metal was perfectly split in two.

Don reached out and piled the metal sheets on top of the other. Now, they have to make sure there were no sharp edges.

All of them, except for the girl who thought Don’s collection of books are more important than their thesis, took their own scissors. They started to cut the four edges, making them round.

Kyle was working beside Don. His scissors’ blade almost touched Don’s elbow.

Don yelped.

Kyle chuckled, “Woah there, I wasn’t gonna hit you with it. I was going slow.”

Don actually growled at him, “What if it scratches?”

Kyle retracted the scissors from Don’s vicinity and placed it on the floor beside him, “Well, the scissors are far away now. Don’t get mad at me.”

“Tch,” was all Don said.

The only girl in their group went back to where they were huddled, “What’s up?”

Kyle smiled at her sheepishly, “I almost scratched Don with my scissors. He was not all too happy about it.”

She grinned, “Ooh, I get why. You guys, he doesn’t want to hurt his soulmate. Not even a scratch, right, Don Tomas? Look how smooth your skin is! You’ve been taking care of it for the soulmate, huh? I mean, I do the same.”

Don could not help the blush that now stains his cheek. He was found out. He was overeating, yes. He has been watching too much documentaries that he could not have some sleep, yes. He has been doing all advance projects and readings, yes. What he has been into lately was skincare.

His thesismate was right. All of it.

* * *

Don groaned around his Red Horse. He did not even like Red Horse more than the other drinks but here he is. Salle sat beside him, grinning.

“Mappy! Glad you came!”

“Sure.”

Salle chuckled but it felt like he cried recently, “What’s with the frowny face, Maps! We’re here to have fun!”

That made Don laugh, “But why were you crying?”

“I… I was?”

Don laughed harder.

Salle pouted, “Fine. Neo was avoiding me all day. All day! Hindi man niya sinagot ‘yung ‘Good morning’ texts ko. I sent him five!”

“And?”

“I swear to my 4.0s that I haven’t done anything to offend him or make him upset.”

“Maybe he’s just busy. Boyfriends do that sometimes.”

“Which is?”

“Disappear,” Don stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Salle nudged Don with a grin, “So, you admit it then.”

“Admit what?”

“That you and my boy Benjo are a thing. Boyfriends, even.”

“Maybe,” Don replied with a shrug.

The others just arrived, and Salle jumped up to meet them. Don took a long swig from his bottle.

Boyfriends? Were they even boyfriends? Does Benjo even have that kind of feelings towards him? All he did was let Benjo follow him around, let Benjo disappear for days at a time, let Benjo get hurt. All he did was plaster Hello Kitty band-aids on his arms and face after a fight, or after Benjo hits himself against something, mostly doors and floors.

That was all Don gave him, but in turn, Don’s world becomes so much brighter with each smile Benjo gives at his general direction. He does not even have to directly look at Don. Just being around him is already enough. Just Benjo’s existence is enough.

Now Don even lost that for being so incredibly stupid.

He took another swig, even longer this time. Chatters from Salle and the others as they took their seats on their long table became white noise for him.

Until a hard smack on his back. Don blinked and searched for his attacker. Phil grinned down at him, “Yo. Long time no see, pare. Parang tumaba ka.”

Don rolled his eyes.

“Bakit nga?”

“Stress eating? Parang ikaw hindi mo ‘to nagawa.”

Phil sat in front of Don, “I go to the gym though.”

“Whatever.”

Suddenly, Neo and Mia arrived. Salle stood up from beside Don and welcomed his boyfriend, who, of course, ignored him.

Cessie brought her huge materials and followed Mia and Neo towards what looked like a makeshift stage. Don did not see Cessie with all those items when she first came in, or maybe it was because he was too caught up in his own misery.

Salle sat back down beside him, looking as if he was about to cry. Don passed him a shot of Jose Cuervo. The man gratefully drank the shot.

“San ba sila pupuwesto?” Asked Don, finally feeling the effects of all of his alcohol intake.

Salle laughed, “Tangina mo, lasing ka na.”

“You,” started Don. “should follow Neo. Ano ba kasi ginawa mo sa kanya? Para ka namang tanga eh.”

“Ha? I didn’t do anything to him!”

Don saw Mia and Cessie take the stage, grinning widely. After a few seconds, Neo took center stage.

“Apparently you did, bro. Look,” burped Don as he pointed towards the stage. Salle folowed his gaze and gasped loudly.

Neo was not wearing any shirt, all he had on were bright blue jeans. Don witnessed Salle standing up and walking towards where Neo is, like Icarus to the sun.

Don chuckled. Good old Salle.

Neo started to dance to a weird eagle cement song. His hips swayed and back arching, as if he was grinding the air. Cessie and Mia acted as his backup dancers.

“Salle, tulo na laway mo!” Yelled Phil. The people on the table all laughed. Don just saw them all. Manuel, Arem, Yue, Ace, Faye and Addie sat with them.

Don let himself smile, watching the whole thing envelop in front of him. Maybe he could go on from Benjo.

Maybe.

Maybe he could not after all, Don sighed, as thoughts of red undercut and band-aids flooded his alcohol-filled brain.

He tried to focus on the things that were happening in front of him, like Manuel complimenting Arem’s hair, like Yue giggling to something Ace whispered, like how Salle went up the stage and picked up Neo on his back and went down the stage. They were headed for the nearest wall to most possibly make out.

Don felt himself stand up as the music turned up to some old tunes, like Matchbox Twenty’s “Unwell.”

Don felt himself sway to the music and shout the lyrics. Phil draped an arm on him and started to bellow the lyrics as well. Phil then opened up his Snapchat app and took a video of them singing. Don’s laughter bubbled out of him.

“Hello, guys!” Yelled Phil to the camera. “This is my friend Don.”

“Hiiiiiiiiiii,” said Don as his hearing lessened.

“He’s not very happy,” continued Phil. “Isn’t that right, my friend?”

Don desperately shook his head. Who was he kidding? He was not happy at all.

Phil finished recording and posted the video on Snapchat.

“Ooh, Asia already viewed the snaps. Cool,” smiled Phil as Don stared at his screen. Not three seconds later, his phone started blaring. He mindlessly took the call.

“Don.”

All the alcohol seemed to drain out of Don at that moment.

“Benjo,” he whispered. Don wanted to puke.


	12. Scared to Be Lonely (With Tears in my Eyes)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyaa!! so, this is the last chapter!! thank you for sticking by me all this time!! 
> 
> chapter playlist:  
> -mundo, iv of spades  
> -scared to be lonely, dua lipa  
> -one dance, drake
> 
> see you next time!! enjoy!!
> 
> love lots,  
> cheya

Benjo was tired, even after Yssa made him quit half the part time jobs he was working for. He took off his backpack and let it fall onto the floor. He jumped on his bed and sighed.

“Fuck this shit,” he muttered. He could hear Yssa’s curses float from the kitchen as she cooked dinner for the both of them. Sweet sister. She has done plenty for Benjo, even if it did not seem that way for the them both. Benjo wondered what did he ever do to deserve that kind of treatment, or deserve that kind of fierce caring from a sibling when he could not even repay her in any way at all.

A notification made its way to his phone. He groaned, took his phone out of his pocket and checked it. It was a series of snaps from Phil. He started to watch.

Loud music blared from his phone speakers. The song “Unwell” by Matchbox Twenty made its way to Benjo’s ears. A classic. Benjo used to sing it to Don all the time when they lived together.

Phil was mouthing the lyrics, and he had an arm draped on the shoulders of the one and only Don Tomas Mapua, who was looking directly at the camera, singing loudly, and drunkenly.

He almost dropped the phone. Before he could talk himself out of it, he dialed Don’s number. Benjo almost jumped up when Don actually answered the phone.

“Don,” he said, trying not to shake too much.

“Benjo?”

Benjo opened his mouth to speak, but before he could form anything, the line dropped. Did he not want to talk to him? Did Don realize that he was talking to Benjo and avoided him completely? Was Benjo too forward that he made the call?

Benjo sighed and hovered his finger over the power button, meaning to shutdown the device. Before he could click anything, his screen lit up with Neo’s face. Neo is trying to video call him. He quickly accepted the request.

It was not the eagle who showed up in the screen. It was the red cardinal.

“Where’s Neo?” was the first thing that his mouth blurted out. 

“Kissing his soulmate,” Don rolled his eyes as he spoke.

“Why’d you have his phone?”

“He has mobile data,” Don shrugged. “Neo’s really busy right now.”

Don angled the phone so that Benjo could see Neo and Salle making out at the side. Don looked at the camera with sad eyes, “Benj, let’s be NeoSalle.”  
Benjo could not believe what he had just heard, “No way.”

Don swayed, bumping into Phil who chuckled and held him still. Don sighed, “Why not? Don’t you want me anymore?”

Don was already dead drunk, Benjo realized. Or else he would not have said anything remotely like those words he just uttered.

Benjo sighed and locked eyes with Don on the screen. Don looked back at him with hazy, drunk eyes.

“Let’s meet at the park,” Benjo finally replied before ending the call.

 

* * *

  
  


Benjo was sitting on one of the swings, grasping its metal chains when he saw Phil waving back at him as he supported Don with his other arm. Benjo quickly stood up, went over towards the two, and helped Phil with the staggering Don.

They placed him on one of the park benches. Phil stood upright and smacked Benjo on the back, “Take good care of our boy here. We all count on you.”

Don looked at them with bleary eyes, from Don to Phil and back again. Phil grinned at Don, shaking him slightly.

“Do good, Maps. Do good.” After that, Phil walked away with a wave, like an actual cool guy. Benjo chuckled as he watched the tall man’s back gain distance from the two of them. They were left with the sound of the insects and the nearby honks of cars.

Don was looking at his palms, blinking. He then looked around him, and rested his eyes upon Benjo who felt smaller under Don’s gaze. His stare then went back to his palms.

Benjo had to sigh. He checked his phone, on silent mode, and messages were going in per second. A couple of ‘Kaya mo yan!’ and ‘Don’t fuck this up!’ from Yssa and a lot of similar text messenges from Salle and Mia. Neo sent him a ‘This better worth my mobile data, Benjo.’

“Benjo,” Don slurred, breaking the silence. “Please let me kiss you.”

Benjo dropped his phone against the damp grass of the playground. He picked it up and looked at Don, “Hey, before that, I still have a lot of things I wanted to say to you, you know. Please be patient with me, Don.”

“I have been.”

“I know. Please continue to be, just for a little while longer.”

Don hummed as a reply.

“You know, I left because I was scared that I may be losing you.”

Don snorted, “That’s ironic.”

Benjo laughed, “That’s true, but at that time. The only thing I knew how was to walk away. I did not know… how to deal with all of it. I apologize, Don, for fucking it all up. I truly am sorry.”

When Don looked at Benjo, he looked completely sober. He sighed, “Why did you think you were losing me, anyway? We were… okay. Did I do anything wrong to make you think that? Please tell me things, Benj. Please.”

“It was foolish…”

“Tell me still, please. Let’s stop hiding from each other. It caused us too much pain for far too long, Benj.”

“Nothing, it’s just… I saw you with Letty the day before I left the apartment. You seem so into each other. Your eyes sparkled as you said something to her, in which she responded grandly. I thought maybe you liked each other romantically. Maybe you were going to gradually leave me, maybe everything will change between us. I couldn’t quite figure out what we were. Even now, I still don’t know whatever this is, whatever we should be.”

“So, you decided na pangunahan na lang lahat? You were always ahead of any of us, always jumping into conclusions of your own. Wala pa nga, Benj, eh. You did not even know what I said to Leticia that day. I was really hurt when you left, you know. Without warning, without explanation. I thought there was something wrong with me and you could not stand being with me anymore.”

“No, Don, it’s not like that.”

“I know that now. You left because you were terrified. Also, what I said to Letty? It was my feelings for you. She was happy for us, even though I think I may have hurt her own personal feelings a bit. You know, I’m sorry too, for being too dense sometimes. There are times I couldn’t process anything else because I feel these things too much for you.”

“And then,” continued Benjo. “They went back to bothering me. I could not risk you being a target, Don. What you did… it broke all of my plans. You went over to them and almost got yourself killed… It was too much for me, you know. I felt all kinds of guilt in the universe. I felt it through the bond. It was so strong, Don. So strong.”

“It was not much of a plan, stupid. I wanted to get involved. I did not want you to take care of your own problems. You did not have to. You got me, your soulmate.”

“Then you said you did not need me anymore. You let go, Don, and it hurt. A whole damn lot.”

Don started to sob, “I’m really sorry, Benjo. I thought I was giving you want you want. When they hurt you, I couldn’t… I failed to do anything to help you. I am so sorry, I failed you. I failed my soulmate. All the tremors, I felt as well, you did not deserve to feel that alone.”

“As well as you, Don. You don’t deserve all that too. Maybe if you loved the person, maybe you will start giving them what you need, Don.”

Don stilled, his head drooped low, blush creeping up his cheeks, “Maybe… Maybe we could start giving each other that. Like, right now.”

“Hey, Don, look at me.”

Don obeyed, and Benjo pressed their lips together. Don sighed into Benjo’s mouth, gripping the smaller man’s neck closer. Benjo took hold of Don’s hair. Their lips glided against each other. Benjo felt tears cascade down his closed eyes.

When they broke apart, Benjo held Don’s hands between them. Don smiled, “We were stupid.”

“That we are."

 

* * *

 

Benjo woke up to a vine-like grip around his body. Don groaned against his arm as Benjo tried to wiggle out of the taller man’s grasp. Benjo looked at Don and grinned, remembering the events of last night. He had bought Don water after their talk, made sure he was sober before they decided to go to Yssa’s. Don wanted to get every single thing Benjo needed to live from Yssa’s and restored back to Don’s apartment.

Their apartment, once again.

It was in the wee hours of the morning when they finished moving everything of Benjo’s things into their room. They went to bed shortly after moving everything inside. Though Don kept on holding Benjo, and well, Benjo kept on kissing Don up his neck and jaw. It led them to having both of their shirts and pants removed, leaving them both in their boxers.

Much to Benjo’s disappointment, they both fell asleep at that.

The sunlight that escaped the curtains gave Don a kind of glow that Benjo could not resist peppering kisses on his shoulder down to his arms. Don groaned again, opening one eye. He immediately smiled at the sight of Benjo.

“Hey,” Don whispered. “Good morning, love.”

Benjo felt himself succumb to the heat that spread to every part of his body. He covered his face, mortified at what he felt. Don have always made them feel like this, that would be one of the things that Benjo know would never change. 

Don laughed and pried off his hands off his face, “Haha, you’re so red, Benj. Is that all you can to do me then? Just gonna lay there and go as red as a tomato?”

Benjo followed his body’s instincts. Still red, he straddled Don. The taller man gasped at the contact. Benjo pressed their lips together, with Don’s tongue immediately asking for passage, licking Benjo’s bottom lip. He granted Don what he wanted as he slightly opened his mouth. Their tongues wrapped and unwrapped, curling around each other in some kind of dance. Don’s hands traveled from Benjo’s upper back down to the waistband of his boxers. Benjo flickered Don’s left nipple as he deepened the kiss. Don moaned into his mouth, making Benjo’s hips press down Don’s even harder.

When they broke apart for air, there was a string of saliva that connects his mouth to Don’s. Before Benjo could dive down again to capture Don’s lips, their phones rang at the same time. Don let out a ‘tch’ which made Benjo giggle as they both reach for their mobiles, answering the calls.

Benjo’s call was from Yssa. She was huffing and gasping. Benjo raised his eyebrow, “Yssa, what the fuck are you doing this late morning?”

“I am getting caught up with my jogging, you egghead. You and your big boyfriend disturbed my sleep so late at night, you guys made so much noise packing and stuff that I failed to sleep early. Hence, I just woke up! Also, I will be there in your place in thirty minutes.”

The phone call ended. Benjo looked at Don who looked like he just also ended the call he got. Don sighed, “I guess we have to get up. Salle and Neo said they will be there in thirty, something about celebration and pizza.”

“Yssa said the same thing, minus the latter parts.”

Don got up into a sitting position, cradling Benjo in his arms. Don placed a chaste kiss onto his forehead, “I guess we have to finish unpacking later.”

Benjo smiled, “Later sounds good.” A few days ago, he would never have imagined that he would have any moment to share with Don for the rest of his life. He would never have imagined that the world went back to its rightful place.

He was an idiot. All they had to do was talk.

After putting on new shirts and pants, they heard a knock on their door. As promised, Salle, Neo and Yssa were at the other side, holding boxes of pizza and wide grins.

Salle was the first to break the silence upon seeing Benjo wearing one of Don’s shirts. The archer grinned, “Benjo! Mukhang ang saya mo, ah!” He then flipped the bird, “Tangina mo, pakyu.”

Benjo laughed, “Tangina mo rin, pakyu ka.” Don then opened the door wider, letting their guests inside the apartment. Neo was muttering about getting the wrong pizza flavor, and Yssa was telling them how she brought the alcohol last minute downstairs.

Benjo took Don’s hand. He smiled.

He was not lost anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> alsoooo, talk to me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/quakeroatkeeper)


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